Christmas Ornaments

 Christmas season is almost here, and we are getting ready for it at the Bean house.  Monday night, I hosted a Clep test prep for my students and some that are not my students but needed the practice.  When I got there, one of my beautiful students presented me this ornament.  It is precious to me.  Almost a year ago, I asked Michael for a camera, and he said to wait.  Almost a year ago I began praying, and now here we are on the go constantly capturing God's moments.  I am know begging Michael to learn how to shoot so that he can be my second shooter.  Every life changing moment or trip that Michael and I experience, we buy a Christmas ornament.  Sometimes ornaments are no where to be found, so we end up getting a key chain, and yes, the key chain goes on the tree.  Anyway, I would like to share some of our new ornaments this year.  My ornaments are so special to me! 

Some friends gave us a weekend get away trip last Christmas, and nothing work out on the trip.  By the end of the night, Michael and I were just laughing.  It rained on us, and we walked into this hotel dripping wet where everyone else was wearing ball gowns.  We got spoiled ice cream from Sonic and finally made a taco bell run when all else failed.  We did get to see some beautiful Christmas lights.  It was such a wonderful weekend despite all that happened because it was one of THOSE weekend trips.  I loved it!!  I love when things do not go according to plan.

 This is the ornament I picked up from San Fransico when I attended my Not For Sale Fight Against Human Trafficking Investigator Academy.  I went to Pier 39 to play tourist.  I had such a lovely time in the city, and I am so thankful for the things I learned there and how God has opened up doors.  This ornament constantly reminds me that my dear husband will always let me chase the things God has created.  What a wonderful husband and God I have!

 Last year, Michael and I got the chance to work with an organization in Atlanta fighting trafficking and the sex industry.  We spent our Christmas going in and out of brothels and strip clubs!  I am just amazed at the adventures God has given us!!  Michael was of course the hit of the show... he carried twice as many food boxes as most people and he was so protective of the team when we went into the brothels!  We picked this ornament up after going to Birmingham to spend Christmas Eve at David Platt's church.

 This is not only an ornament but a reminder of the sweet baby we lost earlier this fall.  I guess, it is actually a reminder of both of our sweet babies that wait for us in heaven.  We keep this out all year long, but it is nice to be able to hang this on the tree.  This brings tears to my eyes still.  I miss my children, but I know that they are in good hands.  They are playing and walking with the King!  I am blessed to know that they are well taken care of.

Picked up in the airport on my way back from San Fransico.  I went to Colorado a long time ago but forgot to get an ornament, so this was on the top of the to do list.  However, this also serves as a reminder of the time I spent in the airport alone!  I was so scared and my God gave me courage and strength, and my husband gave me encouragement!

My dad got married this past year.  His wife is very considerate of Michael and I.  The past few years, we have spend the day after Thanksgiving with my dad.  This year, his wife made me a special Paleo Pumpkin Pie.  I was very grateful.  She got Michael this ornament shortly before her and my dad got married.  She has been so good for my dad.




So what Christmas traditions do you have in your home?

There is a Baby in my tummy

There is a baby in my tummy.  At least that is what the doctors and eight or so pregnancy tests I have taken say.  I have to be honest, I don't really "feel" pregnant right now.  I do however feel tired and so bloated (maybe tmi), so maybe I am starting to feel pregnant.  I thought it would feel different than this, though. 

     We are somewhere between four and five weeks (probably closer to five weeks now).  We found out last Monday, and we really did not feel the need to wait and tell people.  The doctor confirmed what the tests showed, and we are patiently waiting on our first ultrasound appointment so that we may be able to see this little miracle. 

    I had become so at peace with not being pregnant.  I had come to the realization that our last miscarriage was a blessing and now an important part of our testimony that we can share with people to encourage.  I was focused on getting my body healthy so that when he had a baby, it would have a safe place to grow.  I actually remember telling my sister-in-law Sunday that I had come to a place where I wanted to focus on getting healthy and it didn't matter that we had not conceived again. 

    I guess the joke is on me.  I wanted to start a juice fast/cleanse last Monday, but before beginning I thought I may take a pregnancy test (we had a couple laying around the house).  I spotted on Saturday and thought my cycle was starting, but after a few spots the bleeding stopped.  **shrugs**  I was so frustrated and just wanted to know what was wrong with me, so I guess that feeling is what made me take the test. 

   The first test was clearly positive.  I didn't call Michael, I didn't freak out, and I didn't even get really excited.  I remember thinking, "Okay... let's try this again."  After waiting about an hour, I tried again, and again the test was positive.  I called my sister-in-law.  I informed her that I was holding two positive pregnancy tests.  I could tell that she wanted to be excited; I wanted to feel that rush of excitement as well, but honestly... I just felt nervous.  I questioned a bit on whether or not to tell my husband yet.  I knew another miscarriage would be hard on both of us, and the apprehensive feelings would not just go away.  However, I wanted to have hope.  I wanted hope to flood through our home and hearts.  I wanted this to be a cause of celebration.  Michael came home for lunch, and I told him.  He was so excited, and my heart was broken for my own selfish tendencies of fear.  

    We went to the doctor on Monday, and they did an ultrasound, but it was too early to tell anything.  They took some blood and called on Tuesday to confirm that I was in fact pregnant.  My HcG was a 63 and my progesterone was at a 9.6.  I was having some slight cramps (possibly due to the low progesterone and possibly due to the fact that cramps are fairly normal.)  They brought me back into the doctor Wednesday, and took blood again.  My HcG had risen to 157, but my progesterone had fell to 9.3.  They went ahead and put me on a progesterone supplement.  I have some chest tenderness that will not go away, but the cramps are gone and really the only nausea I am feeling is when I am not getting enough food in my body (which has become a whole other issue that I will be discussing in living with PCOS). 

    I think having children is a funny thing.  Michael and I were up late the other night discussing children and how we just really get to borrow them for a little while.  It is like God entrusts us with a child so that we can teach that child the ways of the Lord.  Right now, even while that child is in my womb, we pray with the child and we begin the process of teaching it about who the Lord is and His service.  My hope and prayer is that our children will see the love of Christ and the desire for His people to know Him more all through our family.  My hope is that they will not feel like they will have to get a good job or go to college, but that they will live a life dedicated to serving the Kingdom.  Michael and I have already dedicated the life of this child to the Lord.  We will raise this child up in His ways.  Maybe one day we will get to hold this child and kiss it's face and mend it's broken heart or broken bones.  However, maybe we will only get to experience the child while it is in the womb, and before it comes out, God will take it home.  I guess it is about letting go and letting God.  He knows. 

From what I read, it is normal to be very apprehensive after miscarraige, and it is very normal not to really "feel" pregnant at five weeks.  Each day we are allowed to keep this child, we will love this child.