We are almost there...22 days....3 weeks...less than a month. I smile inwardly when people ask me how wedding plans are going. They are going great, still lots to do, still much of it is done. My students have went through much of the wedding planning with me, and I think it is interestingly funny how God uses our circumstances to speak His truth to those around us. Things have gone incredibly right and incredibly wrong, but when push comes to shove... I have to stop to realize that God provides. He provides money, time, and resources.
I have this undying desire to work in the mission field outside of the United States...I am not even sure why. Sometimes I believe it is because I hold a deep love for God and His people, and I desire nothing more than to tell those who do not know about Him that there is a God that loves them and can RADICALLY change their life...note that I said radically. Other times, however, I believe I desire the culture of other countries more than anything else. Maybe it really is all in my head, but when I see pictures, videos, and people from other countries, I realize that their immense love for God is nothing like most Americans. They do not sacrifice more, necessarily, they receive more! We Americans have a reputation of wanting and getting what we want...but it is so difficult for us to receive the greatest gift of all... life. Let me explain...
Katie Opris took our engagement pictures, and they could not be more beautiful, but when I first got them home... I found that I did not like them very much. They were beyond beautiful, but I did not feel as if I was pretty enough. I was failing in some area of some sort or had not worked hard enough to earn the title of beautiful. Why could I not just receive the title of beautiful that God had already given me... why did I feel like I needed to work harder? I decided to get over the issue, and I eventually let many of my students see a lot of the pictures. They were amazed by how beautiful I looked, and then one student mentioned that I looked happy... I never looked happy in class.
That really opened my eyes. Perhaps, I am not meant to be a teacher forever, but I am a teacher now.. so why am I not living a life of joy? God has not denied me joy. I just simply have yet to receive joy from Him. I have yet to understand that I win in the end because God is on my side... no matter if I get all the paperwork done or not. I am taking a new job next year because I believe that it would be a benefit to my future family because of the work load outside of school. However, I still need to learn that no matter the situation, I have joy... I just need to receive joy.
The same goes with simplicity. I cry because I long for a life of simplicity, but God is willingly standing at the door ready to give what I desire, I just refuse to receive. I lived in a one bedroom duplex up until last weekend. Before I moved, I had the novel idea to receive simplicity. I sold practically everything I owned. This included things such as my television, couch, dishes, pots n pans, and more books and movies than I could list. I made a pretty good chunk of change, but more than that. I unloaded. I guess I cheated. Michael and I are getting married and this means that most of the things I sold, I will be getting back in a newer form. However, the idea was there. I desired simplicity, so I received it.
I want to laugh more, sleep more, and dance more... but honestly those times are not always available, but why do I always take on the American point of view and work myself into a tissy trying to EARN something. I win in the end.
Here is to those, who are receiving the amazing gift of living beautiful and simple. Clean out the junk drawer...you really do not need those things anyway.
