Happy Advent

 Happy first day of Advent everyone!  I am so excited about the Advent season finally starting (it feels like I have been waiting forever on December 1st to get here).  Two reasons I am excited... Numero 1: This is the first time I have ever celebrated Advent.  Numero 2:  Since we are not doing treats but activities instead, it is like my husband and I have 25 dates planned for the next 25 days, and I love dates with my husband!  To celebrate Advent I prayed for days for God to show me how to make an Advent calendar.  My sister in law is so creative!  She made these beautiful little boxes out of Christmas cards last year.  They were adorable, and after stalking pinterest and google... I came up with this.  I adore our little Advent calendar.

 Today is the first day! 
 What do we do on the first day?  We go on a fun Christmas trip.  In an hour we will be loading up the car and headed to Silver Dollar City to see the lights.  Last year, Michael and I went to Hot Springs to see the lights at Garvin Gardens.  This year, we are getting to take a whole slew of Beans.  All of my nieces and my brother and sister-in-law are coming with us! 



The third reason I am really, really, really excited is that each day there is a verse that is going to lead our family through the gospel.  Today's first is John 1:1-5

1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. ² He was with God in the beginning. ³ Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. ⁴ In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. ⁵ The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

 

 

Such powerful verses in such a time of need!  I get so frustrated with our world sometimes, but He has overcome the darkness... we will overcome the darkness! 

 The last thing on our Advent Calendar is this ornament.  This is just a little cheap thing I found at Hobby Lobby (GO HOBBY LOBBY), but I adore it already.  We will put it on our tree first thing Christmas morning and then read and discuss the Christmas story.  A whole month of celebration awaits!

The two stockings and the sign have nothing to do withe Advent, but I just had to share.  My wonderful sister-in-law and I worked all day long to make these stockings.  They are lined burlap, and we actually MADE them.  I mean I went to the store to buy fabric, we got out the sewing machine, and we made them.  I like them, but I may be sticking to buying items that need to be sewn in the future.  I still have scars.. ;)  In addition to these stockings.. I had to share my little sign.  I love this little sign.  It brings a smile to my face everytime, and it happily greets visitors. 

HAPPY ADVENT! 

Christmas Ornaments

 Christmas season is almost here, and we are getting ready for it at the Bean house.  Monday night, I hosted a Clep test prep for my students and some that are not my students but needed the practice.  When I got there, one of my beautiful students presented me this ornament.  It is precious to me.  Almost a year ago, I asked Michael for a camera, and he said to wait.  Almost a year ago I began praying, and now here we are on the go constantly capturing God's moments.  I am know begging Michael to learn how to shoot so that he can be my second shooter.  Every life changing moment or trip that Michael and I experience, we buy a Christmas ornament.  Sometimes ornaments are no where to be found, so we end up getting a key chain, and yes, the key chain goes on the tree.  Anyway, I would like to share some of our new ornaments this year.  My ornaments are so special to me! 

Some friends gave us a weekend get away trip last Christmas, and nothing work out on the trip.  By the end of the night, Michael and I were just laughing.  It rained on us, and we walked into this hotel dripping wet where everyone else was wearing ball gowns.  We got spoiled ice cream from Sonic and finally made a taco bell run when all else failed.  We did get to see some beautiful Christmas lights.  It was such a wonderful weekend despite all that happened because it was one of THOSE weekend trips.  I loved it!!  I love when things do not go according to plan.

 This is the ornament I picked up from San Fransico when I attended my Not For Sale Fight Against Human Trafficking Investigator Academy.  I went to Pier 39 to play tourist.  I had such a lovely time in the city, and I am so thankful for the things I learned there and how God has opened up doors.  This ornament constantly reminds me that my dear husband will always let me chase the things God has created.  What a wonderful husband and God I have!

 Last year, Michael and I got the chance to work with an organization in Atlanta fighting trafficking and the sex industry.  We spent our Christmas going in and out of brothels and strip clubs!  I am just amazed at the adventures God has given us!!  Michael was of course the hit of the show... he carried twice as many food boxes as most people and he was so protective of the team when we went into the brothels!  We picked this ornament up after going to Birmingham to spend Christmas Eve at David Platt's church.

 This is not only an ornament but a reminder of the sweet baby we lost earlier this fall.  I guess, it is actually a reminder of both of our sweet babies that wait for us in heaven.  We keep this out all year long, but it is nice to be able to hang this on the tree.  This brings tears to my eyes still.  I miss my children, but I know that they are in good hands.  They are playing and walking with the King!  I am blessed to know that they are well taken care of.

Picked up in the airport on my way back from San Fransico.  I went to Colorado a long time ago but forgot to get an ornament, so this was on the top of the to do list.  However, this also serves as a reminder of the time I spent in the airport alone!  I was so scared and my God gave me courage and strength, and my husband gave me encouragement!

My dad got married this past year.  His wife is very considerate of Michael and I.  The past few years, we have spend the day after Thanksgiving with my dad.  This year, his wife made me a special Paleo Pumpkin Pie.  I was very grateful.  She got Michael this ornament shortly before her and my dad got married.  She has been so good for my dad.




So what Christmas traditions do you have in your home?

I am Weak.

My weakness: Ice Cream and Mac and Cheese... speaking of which, I may have to make some Mac and Cheese before finishing this post....Okay, boiling water is a go. My husband went to bed tonight without me because I was given strict instructions to stop my life and blog (thank you Lord for a Mr. Steady/Command Man). So anyway, for your viewing pleasure I have inserted a few pictures from Thanksgiving.

I have been planning a blog in my head for some time now. Planning... I am really good at planning.. too bad that my follow through is somewhat lacking. Anyway, I have been planning this blog all about how I cooked these Paleo friendly Thanksgiving meals and how delicious they were, but honestly, I feel like tonight I just need to share how much of a failure I am. I am so not perfect. I get angry too easily, I double book myself all the time, and I am kind of a flake. I hate this qualities within myself like no other. They are the laziness, the fear, and the pride sneaking up to kill who I am, but nights like tonight... I just have to stop and figure out who am I at the center. Like an onion... sometimes you just have to peel away all that the world has heaped on so that you can come back to an understanding of who you are in Christ. That last sentence made it sound like you could do something, but really... God has done it all on the cross. That is why the cross is so vital to the Christian. Everything debt was paid on that cross, and I hang dearly to the cross for life and hope. I love that cross. It is the cross I bear because it is the only hope that I have. The cross is enough. The cross is where Jesus said it was finished, and I am so thankful that no matter how much of a failure I am, I can still kneal at the cross and hear the words "I took care of that."

 

I know my pictures have nothing to do with my post, but I couldn't leave out the cool Paleo dishes. I found most of these at Paleo OMG (it is basically the best website ever when it comes to Paleo). Anyways, back to the cross. When we were in college, we took this fun test to see what disciple we were most like. I got Peter (we were not surprised). Why Peter? Because I have way too much pride, arrogance, fear, and I speak way too often before thinking. I have hurt many people because of my simple minded words. I can totally relate to Peter. Maybe I have never denied Christ in word, but I am sure my actions have denied Him more than I care to recall. How embarrasing is it to call a friend and apologize for speaking or acting before thinking? In Luke 5:8, Peter realized that Jesus was in fact Christ. He fell down and told Jesus to leave his presence for Peter knew that he was a sinner. Oh My... can I relate!

So yeah... I did good at Thanksgiving, but I hit a low point a couple of days after and definitely went on a carb binge today, and I am sure I will pay for it later. I want to be a good person so badly it makes me sick. I really want to answer every phone call and text message I get. I want to have self control when it comes to food. I want to remember to write my friends. I want to sit up late at night and pray for friends and family that are hurting, but I fail. Thank God there is the cross.. Thank God there is tomorrow.

 My husband killing a tree stump.

 Thanksgiving Cookies and Charlie Brown Thanksgiving.

 Getting ready for the hayride!

It is Christmas at the Bean House.

Struggling to find Love

Do you ever get tired of talking?  Do you ever get tired of trying to do the very best you can do?  Do you ever get tired of encountering people who have one desire and that is to shut you down?  As the political season escalates, I have become more and more discouraged with our American lifestyle.  I wonder why we have so many missionaries heading for other countries and not hanging around in America... maybe it is become Americans (in general) have become so hardened by the Word of God?  Our hearts are no longer focused on selfless love.  Life is about using all the time you have to please yourself.  The word sacrafice is quickly dissapearing, and we no longer reach out to our brother and sister in love and peace.  The best and worst thing about reading articles on-line is that people can comment.  I get a better idea of where we are at as a country by reading the comments.  For example, two people may be discussing difference in political ideas, but instead of discussing what is better for a country, the discussion can quickly turn into a conversation of hatred by throwing verbal abuse back and forth.  These people may not seem very intelligent, but these people are normal. 

Ugh!  So many random words, and I still feel like I haven't gotten out my point!  I was reading an article about the new HPV vaccine.  The government now recommends having teenage girls betweent he ages of 12-16 (or something like that ) get this vaccine because the idea is that basically all girls between these ages will become sexually active even if that doesn't include direct intercourse.  Now apparently some religious group decided that this vaccine would actually cause girls to become more sexually active, so a bunch of researchers got together to prove that the vaccine did not cause girls to increase or decrease their sexual activity.  The comments on this article are fun.  Most of them are about how this stupid religious group should be ashamed of ordering this study (which if I read this correctly the group did not order the testing). 

Anyways, they go on and on about how the vaccine is so good, and then one woman posts about how she has taught her daughter why it is important to wait to have sex until marriage, but when her daughter was 16 she had her daughter take the vaccine for extra protection.  I guess you would call this absence plus education (which by the way everyone was commenting about how absence plus was the correct way to teach children about sex).  The next comment was directed at this mother.  It told her that more than likely her daughter was having sex by the age of 12 because most girls are having sex by that age and she was a horrible mother for not getting her daughter vaccine before 16.  The comment went on to say that if the government tells us to do something it is for our safety and it is good to just do it especially when our freedoms become a hazard to our safety. 

I wanted to cry.  Another dad posted something about teaching his daughter morals, and the comment in reply to him was simply, you are not a moral person and you have not taught your daughter anything to give her any moral background.  If you are using that book of Bible stories as your basis for morals then you are teaching a bunch of lies. 

OH YES!  That is right... whatever the government feeds us must be fact, but anything else is a book of lies.  Where do I get my plane ticket out?

All that is a little harsh.  I love America.  I love my soldiers.  I love my state and my freedoms.  I do lose hope.  Don't get me wrong, I do not think God has pulled His hand away from America or His people, but I do get so frustrated.  The church is told to speak out in love.  LOVE is the only way to fight or win any battle.  It is the only thing that will defeat the enemy.  Education, money, and giftings are all great, but according to the song, "If I don't have love, then I am bankrupt." 

You know what though.. it is hard to love.  It is hard to continue loving when someone throws everything you have ever believed or hope for back into your face.  It is hard when you are faced daily with lies that contradict what you know to be the truth.  Our kids our fed this daily, and so are we.  We love and love and love and then someone tells us we are bad parents, liars, manipulators, etc. and so forth.  So what does the church do?  We grow hard against the world.  We begin holding riots and picketing without a single ounce of love in our hearts.  We decide to fight hatred with hatred.  UGH! 

I am split.  I know that I must continue to love, but I get so angry.  I ask God all the time, why do I have to love that person?  Why did you allow me to invest time in that person to have it thrown back at me?  Why am I so open for attacks?  I think about buying a little house with a nice little fence, two sweet little cars, and working to buy nice things and raise two children (because anymore would just be ridiculous).  I smile about how safe that sounds.  Then reality comes in, and I realize that no matter what, as a believer, I am not safe... not from the world anyways.  Jesus said there would be trouble.  So, I get over my little dream, have my pity party, and keep moving.  I keep trying to love, and failing miserably, and asking God to pick me back up.  I keep falling into self-absorbed world and struggling again.  I ask God to give me the wisdom to determine an outright lie to an half-truth to truth. 



And life goes on.    

Alex Ezekial Bean

     One of the most amazing things about being the wife of Michael T. Bean is that he lets me deal with things the way that I need to deal with them.  He lets me express my pain and grief the best way I know how, and sometimes that looks really messy.  Sometimes it involves crying, eating, starving, running, and here recently... cleaning.  Sometimes it involves diving into the Word of God to see what He says about everything, and sometimes it deals with diving into my work.  My husband holds my hand through the crazy train, and when it is all said and done, I walk out of situations feeling bolder and encouraged.  Michael kindly presents truth without pushing it into my face. 


I started a post about a week ago titled "The Line between Dying and Living."  It was basically a rant about how if this baby were out of my womb and ended up dead, people (in general) would have been more considerate.  Honestly, though, we have had lots of love from all sorts of people, and there is hope where there is tragedy.  I am blessed by the flowers that sit on my table and other items of love we were given from people. I am so thankful for the love that was heaped upon us. 


If you ask Michael and I how we are doing, we will tell you good.  That is what people have been trained to say right?  We ask these questions, and we say these things because being "real" with people is scary.  The mixture of emotions in my head is way too complex to explain to people in short surface level conversations.  This was the second baby that we have lost.  The second baby now dead.  The second baby without a grave, and honestly, I think I may have grieved more with the first.  I almost expected this one to end like this.  Does that make me a person of little faith?  Perhaps.

Michael didn't think this one was gonna end.  From day one, he knew that he were going to get to keep this one.  He believed we were going to hold this baby.  He is not a person of little faith. 

Friday night, I shot a gala.  Later, we went to my brother and sister-in-laws house to watch a movie.  We talked and laughed late into the night, and before we went home I had to run to the bathroom.  I had finally got to the point in my pregnancy where I stopped checking for blood when I went to the restroom.  When I saw the blood... I thought I was living a dream.  This couldn't be real... not this time.  The doctor said my numbers looked good, and we saw the baby.  Why was I bleeding?  This is not normal... this is not okay.  I called my husband into the bathroom, and the look of horror on his face sent me into tears.  This was it... our baby was dead. 

When you are considered "high risk" like me, the doctor's really do not want to give you hope that your baby is going to make it the whole nine months.  Early in your pregnancy they tell you what to expect when you miscarry.  They call the process passing.  I hate... HATE the word miscarriage.  It is a mask that pro-choice America labeled a dying baby because the reality is too hard to handle.  I wonder about my own stance on pro-life and pro-choice debates.  I am a big pro-life supporter, but why am I so pro-life?  Is it because I believe that the child in the womb is in fact a baby, or is it because I know that soon the baby will be born and then it will be a child with a great future?

Saturday morning I woke up thinking the whole thing was a bad dream.  I even looked up information about bleeding during pregnancy.  The blood had definitely slowed down, and I thought, perhaps, our baby was still alive.  Around 2:30pm the "passing process" began.  Did you know that when your baby dies (even at six weeks) you still have to deliver the baby?  That is what they mean when they say miscarriage cramps and passing.  You have contractions, and you have to deliver the baby.  I would say around 7ish, we delivered our baby.  Though I feel like I grieved more with the last pregnancy, this pregnancy has left a scar on my heart I can't seem to get over.  A traumatic event that has got me terrified of answering the question, "how are you doing?"  There are so many events that have happened that has me wondering if I was a good mother.  I saw a picture of a six week old baby, and I wanted to throw up.  My baby didn't get a grave.  My poor little baby was given the same funeral we would give a yucky bug that we just killed.  The guilt and shame on my heart because of this one thing is the thing that keeps me up at night.  I think about the day I see my baby again.  I want to apologize to him. 

God is here.  He hasn't left me, and He is still good.  The worst words right now are that God is in control.  These words are incomplete and just leave me bitter.  God is in control... I know that!  I just struggle with the idea that God is still good.  My head knows that God is good... all the time.  My heart is just struggling with believing. That Saturday, three things happened.  I fell more in love with my husband.  My dear, sweet husband didn't get a moment rest.  By 5:30pm, I was in so much pain I couldn't move.  He held my hand and texted back and forth with my mother-in-law.  By 6:00pm, I was in a hot bath and starving.  My husband had to make dinner and run back and forth from the kitchen to the bathroom.  He never once threw in the towel.  He kept telling himself, "Right now, I focus on Paula... the rest will come."  The next thing that happened is something that will haunt me for awhile still.  The last thing that happened was a decision that my husband has sworn to help me with.  My disease is killing my children... so I must kill my disease. 


So how are we doing...really... good.  I am terrified about going back to church, but I know that I am going to have to go back sometime.  I have started getting rid of everything in our house that isn't useful.  We have too much stuff, and I need life to be simple right now.  We don't cry all the time.  We even have days where we do not cry at all.  I do not answer my phone all the time because I am an emotional mess right now, so I am trying to take my time with people.  I am recovering physically.  I still have to work, but I am thankful to not have a full time job right now.  Yes, there is still a God, and yes, He still is good.  I know that He has a huge purpose for us, and I honestly believe that the next child... we will get to keep and hold.  I really do think that we will bounce back more quickly this time.  However, there will always be the scar.       


Alex Ezekial Bean:  Alex means protector of men, and Ezekial with an A means God give me strength.  If he had been allowed to walk this Earth, he would have been a powerful force for the kingdom, but since God decided (for whatever reason) to take him early.  We must stand for him. 
   

She's Dead, Michael

     I finally got sick last night, but it wasn't because of the life growing inside of me.  It was because of the life of a wonderful, beautiful, and funny... oh so funny... 15-year-old that decided she had no desire to remain living on Tuesday night and took her own life.  A wonderful 15-year-old that at one point in her life sat under my leadership as a student, and then when her father became Michael's electrical teacher, I ran into her at least half a dozen other times in the last year. 
  
    I can't seem to wrap my mind around this.  I heard on Tuesday that a child (sophomore) had ended her life.  I quickly did the math in my head.  I taught 7th grade when I taught in that particular school district.  Would those children be sophomores yet... nope, they would be in the 9th grade.  I did my math wrong, though.  My kiddos were in fact entering their sophomore year, and two days after attending, they lost one of their own.  Apparently, it was a case of bullying.  A beautiful child that God created possibly hung out with the wrong people too much or wore different clothing.  Maybe she had gotten a reputation for something else, but either way this reputation spread rampant through the school and in the last two years apparently, the words had become enough! 

Enough.  By the end of last night, I cried behind the wheel of my car begging God for one more chance to talk to her, one more chance to hold her and tell her that God made her beautiful.  One more chance to put truth and life out there in front of her.  Granted, the same outcome may have occurred, but I remember so clearly being her teacher.  I was self-absorbed and convinced that God wanted me in another country like Africa. I didn't belong in America... there is no mission field in America.  The other half of dozen times I saw her, why didn't I just go talk with her.  Ask her about school, giggle about boys.  I stopped teaching in the public school because I felt that I was too limited.  I was eventually going to get in trouble for sharing my beliefs... it was just a matter of time.  However, it seems as if my fears and insecurity can limit me more than any American government or public school.  Time to face the truth.  I am not limited by any law the American government sets... I am limited by my own self-absorption. 

This has happened before.  Not too long ago, I had a friend die.  I had a moment before the death of this friend to share the good news of freedom through Christ.  I didn't do it.  I was too afraid of what this friend would think.  I never spoke to that friend again. 

In the Best Buy parking lot last night, that is the only conclusion I could come up with.  I looked my husband in the eye with the simple statement, "She is dead, Michael."  She is dead, gone, and the grief her parents are going to hold will be the most difficult thing they have ever faced.  The grief and guilt that enters her school is going to be extreme.  What if, she had just one adult... just one that she felt that she could call that night.  Just one teacher who may have decided to break the rules and give her their phone number or one used to be teacher that had a half dozen of chances to speak truth into her life.  What if there was one adult willing to say, "Okay, I am here to be the light, and it is okay for you to intrude into my life a little." 

I think about the young people of the world.  I wish, I could take every single one of them that was hurting and welcome them into our home and life, but the reality is... I can't.  God told us to take care of the poor, widows, orphans, and to raise the children to be men and women who love Him. 

We all have those stories right?  I knew the Holy Spirit was opening a door for ministry, but I was too (insert word here) to help.  I walked by knowingly missing the chance. 

I firmly believe that God is love, and I don't think the church should tolerate sin, but I am so angry that we treat sinners as outcasts.  I don't think the church should tolerate sin because sin is a bondage maker.  It traps people into living lives and believing lies that lead to death.  We are called to love, and we cannot quietly stand and let generations fall to the slavery of sin.  That is not love, but we can't teach our children to outcast them... talk poorly about them.  What if their skirt is too short or different from you... why does it matter?!?!  Why do we allow that to be an issue?  Maybe they do not attend church regularly.  Maybe they have the worst reputation in the world.  Why do we hide from them?  I'm sorry, you screwed your life up really early, so I don't want to be around you anymore.  I don't care if you are only 12, you are a bad influence. 

Then there is the other extreme right?  We don't care what your problem is, come to church, listen to some good music, play some games and see your friends!  At the end of the night, we are going to send you home just as empty and dead as you were when you got here, but you will have some fun for those two hours.  Don't worry about your sin.  We are going to accept you no matter what you are currently doing, and I promise, we will not pick out your sin because we are a no judging church.  We promise to never teach you truth or get too involved with your life. 

I miss this little girl, and I honestly barely knew her.  She was a good student, and from the outside looking in, she appeared to be fine. 

1 John 4:12
No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

Cause the Salsa Needs Canning

    I have had the title of this post in my mind for a long time.  I have been very lazy with writing lately, and there is no excuse for my laziness.  Writing is a very powerful tool in my life, and to deny the Holy Spirit's gift because of laziness is a shame.  As many of you know, at least those of you in blog world that take your sweet time to read my updates (which by the way, thank you so much for taking time out of your busy day to read the words God has given me), my husband and I have began a journey into a world of ministry.  We are very dedicated to proclaiming freedom around the world starting in our own community.  These past few years have brought many life changing events ending with me on a plane to San Fransisco to become trained in investigation and reporting for cases of slavery in my own community.  I was trained, and after being home for only a few days, I was asked to be involved with a Human Trafficking Awareness Summit held at the state capital. 

   Amazed by the new updates in the law, I was excited to be asked to be involved with such a wonderful adventure, so I embarked on what I now kindly refer to as "little black dress" ministry.  This type of ministry includes putting on your best clothes and playing "important" with big name law officials.  Sorta like when we were children and played house.  You knew inside that you did not belong in this type of world (at least not yet), but you welcomed the chance to play. 

   It didn't take long for me to realize, though, that I did not belong in this world (at least not yet).  I left at the morning break because I had a house to clean, people to visit, and salsa to can. 

    Time is precious.  It is the most precious gift you can give someone, and it is a fleeting part of our lives.  Our time is different than a store bought gift because once you have given your time, it can never be returned.  I must never be selfish with my time, or deny time to a person that God has told me to give because it doesn't fit into my schedule.  Sometimes the people that God tells us to spend time with isn't logical.  My home and family must be a major part of my time (the most important), but home and family can also consume every second of my time becoming more of a distraction.  My time is too precious to be spent on chasing ideas and dreams that I cannot see God's hand holding together, and like I trust my money, love, and life to God, my time also, must be daily given to Him.  Time spent must be intentional, for spending time can quickly become meaningless or wasted.  Sadly, there are occasions where time spent doing "ministry" is just wasted time.  Time could be spent better elsewhere such as canning salsa.     

I have learned these lessons the hard way.  Naturally, I am a shy person when I am in a crowd that I am not known.  It takes me quite awhile to warm up to people, and even then it is easy for me to move on from relationships.  It is a piece of my personality that makes me incredibly sad.  I like to fill my days with checklists and management, but this doesn't allow the Holy Spirit to move.  We must be intentional with our time because reality is, there are many things to get done in a day.  Every house wife knows that from the moment she wakes up to the moment she lies down, she is in movement.

    So I left the meeting because that season of my life hasn't came as of yet, and honestly, I have done very little with the training I came home with from San Fransisco.  I hope to change this, but it is all about waiting on the Holy Spirit to move.  I will squeeze in here though, it is about movement as well.  More on that later.  It takes waking up every morning and asking God, "Okay, what do I do today?"  It takes obeying His leading when He tells you to go or to stay.  What season of life are we in as of now?  Well, I am building a photography business, and it is going very well (thanks be to God and the creative insights the Holy Spirit has given me).  I am trying to find a place at the kickboxing gym that I am now attending (since I am officially past all hurts and aches), and I am attempting to get healthy enough to carry a baby to term.  I am seeing a natural herbalist doctor guy that has suggested some medicine that will raise my body temp high enough to keep a baby (since my normal body temp is below 96 degrees), and I am starting to feed my body organic food.  My prayer is that by the end of the year, we will be pregnant again, and the baby will be carried to term.  I am also in a season of leaving full time work and going to part time work and trusting God with money.  Finally, I am in a season of building a ministry.  God just hasn't given me or my husband the picture of what that is going to look like yet. 

So what season of life do you find yourself in at the moment, and are you spending your time intentionally in that season?

The High Demand for Slavery Starts with Us

Why Human Trafficking and Modern Day Slavery is a World Wide Problem and a World Wide Concern

This is my thank you to all who helped raise money and who gave money for me to go to the Not for Sale Academy June of 2012. I pray that during my time there I brought honor and glory to God above and brought honor to the friends and family that sent me. I pray that my time there was not wasted, and I have information that all may benefit from my attending. Thank you again.

“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, for the Lord God has anointed me to bring the good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the broken hearted, proclaim FREEDOM for the captives, and the opening of the prison doors to those who are bound. To proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God. To comfort all who mourn.” Isaiah 62:1-2

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         Walk into your closet, pantry, or living room for that matter and take a good look around. Stop thinking about how messy your living room may be, how you have too many clothes, or even that you need to go grocery shopping and think for a moment from where these products actually came. Forget about the label or the store, I am talking about the cotton that made the t-shirt that says made in America or the minerals inside your computer or television. Go a step further and think about the chocolate chips in your cupboard. Have you ever stopped and wondered, “Where did the things that I use every day actually come from?” Here is a little dose of reality that hit me way too hard during my training at the Not for Sale Academy. The high demand for slavery does not come from some scary looking mafia men; it comes from people like you and me. Isn’t that a scary idea?! There are children being kidnapped and forced to work in the jungles of Africa picking Cocoa from the trees because we like Hershey’s chocolate bars. This is not something that we can justify nor distance ourselves from any longer. There are companies all over the world trying to expose the truth that since we do not ask businesses where our items come from, they are finding the cheapest labor possible and getting away with using slavery to create things common in our society.

         We fuel this demand by wanting cheap material in high quantities. We do not want to spend a large amount of money on a toy for our child. We would rather spend a small amount of money and get a wide range of variety. Companies are not ignorant, and they track our spending habits. Hasbro, Mattel, etc. see that we do not want to spend a lot of money, so they vouch for sweat shop laborers to create things so that the company can sell the item at a cheaper rate. The reality is that though sex trafficking is a horrendous act that should be stopped immediately; they actually serve a small percentage of the 27 million enslaved. Most of the people enslaved today make the clothing you are probably wearing at this moment. That sound daunting? Good! We need this to sound daunting because the only we are going to see an end to modern day slavery is decrease the demand. Here are a few more facts for you:

o Labor Trafficking is the most prevalent source of slavery.

o There are five types of trafficking: Labor, Child, Sex, Organ, and Domestic Servitude.

 o Type of Work Traffickers Traffic Victims for: Sex, Domestic (nannies or servants), Marriage, factory work, agriculture, restaurant, manufacturing, home care, servile marriage, criminal activity (drug transporting), construction, hotel or motel work, housekeeping, daycare teachers, cleaning business, and domestic services for Embassy Employees: Diplomats.

o The victims are usually recruited in the following ways: a personal relationship, newpaper ads, internet, or the promise of work.

o Victims are not just women. Many come from rural villages, but that doesn’t mean that they are poor or uneducated. Many men and women who have graduated from college with Master’s degrees have ended up being trafficked. Traffickers are not just men either, and they are not just big crime involvement type people. They can be someone as simple as a man or wife.

o Victims have difficulty seeking help because of language barriers, restricted movement, fear of authority, fear of deportation, lack of accurate knowledge of rights and resources, shame or scorn from family, trauma, or attachment to trafficker.

  o Many of the women getting stuck in Sex Slavery are from poor villages where there is not work to sustain themselves or their family. These women take loans to come to America or other westernized countries because they believe lies that once they get into those countries they will find work. They hear these lies from other women who work to recruit women for business. These women are beaten into submission and eventually learn to be “good” at their job in hopes of returning to their land or making enough money to send home to their families. Most of the women, even after “rescue” or paying off their debts return to prostitution. It is the only thing they know how to do, and when people find out what they are doing, even if they were trapped into the industry, they are looked at as a prostitute. The Price of Sex Documentary

o Many of the girls from the small villages mentioned above know that many of the girls that leave the village end up in horrific situations, but with no view of any type of future, they continue to trusts the men and women promising futures in other countries. I thought that this was an impossible idea until I met a girl on the bus in San Francisco. She was from Ukraine and took out a huge loan from the bank in order to come to America. She was going to college and working side jobs such as cleaning houses and teaching private dance lessons to pay back the loan. The Price of Sex

o The TVPA (Trafficking Victims Protection Act) of 2000 defines trafficking the recruitment, transportation, transfer, harboring or receipt of persons, by means of the threat or use of force or other forms of coercion, of abduction, of fraud, of deception, of the abuse of power or of a position of vulnerability. Any child being used for prostitution under the age of consent is automatically trafficking. The age of consent in Arkansas is 16.

o Made in the USA is not a safe answer to this problem. Only a small percentage of the item has to be assembled in America for it to have the Made in the USA tag.

Purpose:
        I bet you are saying right now to yourselves, “Okay, great Paula. I have heard a lot of this before, and even if I hadn’t you are telling me I can’t get away from using stuff made by slaves. Thanks for the uplifting words…now what?” I will respond with please do not get discouraged. Discouragement is another tool used by the traffickers. This problem is big, but it is not too big. Nothing is too big for God right, and we are His people. The perfect question is “Now what?”

 What Not for Sale is doing: NFS has discovered that slavery is a business, and the best way to fight it is business. They are building a corporation and a force of people to fight for the justice of people. They have discovered a way of doing this that is like no other. They are also trying to get out of the category of non-profit so that they do not have to wait on government grants to continue doing work. They are focused on finding ways to be self-sustaining. They are going into areas with high probability of trafficking and building business creating jobs. The jobs are being given to not just survivors but common people of the villages. By doing this, they are creating chains of fair trade products and creating job so that people will not be tempted to go into bigger cities looking for jobs. They showed up some new things coming out on their product line, and though I cannot give you details, I can say that there are exciting things coming out of NFS. While you wait for their new products, check out their Rebbl tea. http://www.causes.com/causes/597-not-for-sale/actions/1661196 In addition to creating a system to stop trafficking before it happens, they are training a force of people (like me) to be a part of the abolitionist movement.

What will I be doing now that I am trained: I am responsible for the research of cases of trafficking that have already been exposed. I research these cases and report them to slaverymap.org. This web-site is a tool for everyday people to see where and when trafficking is taking place in their own communities and around the world. In addition to this, I am responsible for bringing awareness to the community about trafficking. I now have a wide range of knowledge too in-depth for this letter, but I would love to sit down with any of you and talk logistics. I have also been trained to recognize trafficking in my everyday life. If I am in the opinion that trafficking is happening then I am trained to approach victims of trafficking so that they may reach out for help. Michael and I will be taking the knowledge that I now have to help with organizations in Arkansas. I am also trained to investigate cases of sex slavery online. This is a skill that I am thankful to have, but I ask for prayers as my husband and I figure out the best method for me to use this skill considering the obvious issues with the material I will have to be researching.

What you can do:

• Accept the reality that slavery does exist and it affects us in every area of our life at the current moment.

• Accept the reality that you are an abolitionist and your role as a believer and consumer can either contribute or fight modern day slavery.

  • Pray for your community, for America, and for the world. Pray that the voices of those in bondage be heard. Pray that more organizations step up with a desire to love people the way Christ loves us.

• Reshape your view of people (especially immigrants and prostitutes). Contribute to the breaking down of stereotypes because stereotypes contribute to human trafficking. Most immigrants are too afraid of asking for help for fear of hatred or deportation. When we refuse to look at people with the eyes of God, we dehumanize them. It is easy for people to take advantage of people who people quit seeing as human.

• Become a smart consumer. Download the Free2work app (www.free2work.org). This app allows you to scan the barcode of a product you are about to purchase. Once the barcode is scanned, the app will tell you the rating of the company. High grades determine if the company is working towards a no tolerance mindset. A lower grade determines if the company is doing nothing to fight slavery. We may have to pay more for things that are made in no tolerant shops, but do we really want to get gratification from someone’s deprivation? Remember that we the consumer run the show! If begin to speak out against companies that use slave labor in their production then we speak volumes about where we want to put our money. The reality is, as well, that a lot of clothing is not made in “no tolerant factories”. As we pray for transformation, think of some ways to purchase clothing at a no profit to the company (such as buying from second hand stores).

• Open your eyes to the world around you. You go to a Chinese restaurant to eat after church on Sunday. Your waitress seems happy enough, but she doesn’t really talk to you and she looks sad or nervous. All of a sudden you realize that you live in a community where there is slim to no Chinese population. You may ask where she came from, what she is doing in town, or if she likes her job. These are basic questions that can lead you to some pretty important information. If you have a concern that human trafficking is occurring call the Polaris Project hotline number 1-800-373-7888. Memorize this number. It would be easy to write this name on a napkin. If you have any more questions about what to do in these situations, feel free to contact me.

  • Be a realist but an optimistic realist. Faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains. Welcome to the mountain. Sometimes, I feel like we got in statistics like 27 million people entrapped in slavery today. However, those are humans we are talking about. Each human desperate for freedom. Each human being beaten, abused, exploited, raped, etc. Each human that has an individual story. We have to feel like these people will be freed. We have to pray with faith that God will move mountains in this area.

• Let us, the church, end the issue with sex. We need to have freedom to discuss sex in the church so that people who are struggling with addictions to pornography or people who have reached the point they are buying sex can reach out for help knowing that they will not be shunned. God offered sex as a gift, and he meant it for good. It is the world that turned it into something perverted, and then the church decided that sex was bad. I read a portion of a book while I was in San Francisco that stated sex is a big deal. God intended it for married couples as a gift and a way to reproduce. However, sex is not as big as a deal as we think. The idea that sex sells needs to be destroyed and we need to start opening our hearts to the idea that struggling with some sort of sexual issue is fairly normal. We also need to speak out against pornography and teaching our sons and daughters about purity. This is so important because in my work, I have to research cases of sex slavery online. There are so many men that treat buying sex like they were going to see a new movie.

  • Get involved with your community. I would love if you joined a group such as P.A.T.H or Not for Sale, but that isn’t what I am talking about. I am talking about your neighbors, the people in the grocery store, the people at the park, etc. This goes back to opening our eyes. We, as the church, need to be opening our arms, hearts, and eyes. Thank you.

Be Strong and Courageous

     This is the first summer in a long time that I will not be packing my bags soon to head out to camp.  Leaving for summer camp for a couple of months became a distant reality last summer when God called me home half way through my time at Skyline.  This summer I will also be working for an organization that helps children with severe disabilities.  I will be forced to be focused and the adult because to do otherwise would be extremely dangerous.  I also said goodbye to teaching last week, and I have no clue what I am going to be doing come Septemember.  In just a few weeks, I will be packing my bags and heading off to San Fransico for Investigator training, I have been spending way too much time behind the a camera or in front of a computer getting ready to begin a business that is very crowded right now, and my husband and I are quickly approaching our first year anniversary (which we are celebrating at a wonderful Bed and Breakfast).  We have moved (that makes three time in three years) and I am too sore to walk from the new Kickboxing classes that I began yesterday.  The past couple of months have brought many tears when I remember how much I have really changed.  However, there is so much peace in my house, and the past few days God has spent a lot of time lately reminding me to hold on to Him.      

I have been reading through the book of Joshua, and am amazed at what Rahab actually did.  In the first few chapters of Joshua, you have the Lord telling Joshua to be strong and corageous.  The Lord promises to give Joshua all that He gave to Moses.  A promise of care and hope.  Then you have Rahab come into the picture.  After just a few moments with the Israelite spies, she claims their God as the God of all things and asks for her and her family to be saved.  Her faith was enormous.  The spies left her saying that the only way she would be saved was if she hung a scarlett cord out of her window.  Now, I guess in my head I thought that the transaction of the spies meeting Rahab, going back to the camp and then coming back to Jericho happened within a matter of days, but reading through the text again reveals it probably took a matter of weeks.  I can barely imagine what must have been going through Rahab's heart and mind.  I wonder if she ever thought that the Israelites has abandoned her, or maybe she was more aware of the time it would take to get back to camp and come for her.  Either way, I am sure she had to be strong and corageous.   

I decided the other day not to worry about September.  Michael and I are doing what we feel God has told us to do with me quitting.  We will continue on this journey and be strong and courageous while we wait.  Thank God that the Israelites came back for Rahab.  God heard her cry and did not leave her forsaken.  God will never leave His people forsaken no matter how distant He may seem at the moment.

Allowing the Holy Spirit to Move

Look what came in the mail Monday!

Am I the only one out there that ever feels completely inadequate for the life that God has chosen for me? I cannot explain how many days I have sat at the end of my bed in prayer saying out loud, "you want me to do what?" About half the time I feel so grateful and astonished that God would use me for such greater purposes, and the other half of the time I just feel like a scared child trying to learn how to walk. I picture my adult self holding out my arms to Jesus just like a child holds their arms out to their parents when they feel unsure of a situation or unsure if they can do something.

However, though God is still open to embrace me, it feels like more and more God is holding my hand and telling me, "I am with you, go on now" instead of just running to answer my call from relief. I don't know if anyone out there in blog world has ever felt like this, but I guess here lately more times than not, my prayers go something like this, "I'm not sure about this God, but I am sure about You... so lets go!" Along with this prayer comes with the cloud of doubt and the threat of failure, but I just keep on trucking (like the little engine that could).

God's got me, so what do I have to worry about.

The other night, before bed/after prayer, my dear husband leaned over to me and thanked me for introducing him to the fight against human trafficking. He said, "I don't think I have ever expressed how grateful I am for you showing me this and getting me involved." I wanted to cry because I have feared for so long that I am just tugging him along without really knowing what he wanted and he was going along with it because he loved me and is pretty much a no complaining type guy. These words came at a much needed time and were an answer to a prayer. This was such a beautiful example of how God above is watching over us as we embark on this journey of "Kingdom Living."

These feelings of inadequacy were tormenting me until I finally realized that I am inadequate. I have nothing to give anyone I meet. The only thing I have ever given God was my heart, and honestly I didn't do anything for that either. His life was the gift, I just responded with gratitude, so I am inadequate, but the Father, Son and Holy Spirit are nothing short of completely able. I think fondly about my sister-in-law who is now pregnant with her fourth child (her youngest about 7 months). I can imagine now as she lay sick that she too feels inadequate to answer the leading that God is providing, but she too is being taken care of by a heavenly Father who knows what is happening to her and is providing.

In house church, we have been studying the book of Acts. I am constantly amazed by how God used so many inadequate people to do amazing things for the kingdom. I finally posed a question last Monday that has been haunting me. Is the Holy Spirit just naturally quieter now by nature or do we quiet the Holy Spirit with our lives? My question was answered with this response: "If you lived in Africa, you would not be asking this question." Our comfort living gives us a false sense of control. We believe that we have it all together because we are living these comfortable lives where there is enough food to gorge ourselves on easily and enough entertainment to keep us busy. We debate over the DUMBEST things because we have the comfort and ease to debate. It is easy to sit and debate when you are sitting on a plush chair.

But is the HOLY SPIRIT allowed to move in our lives.

There are so many reasons I think I quiet the Holy Spirit in my own life: Pride and desiring to do everything myself, fear in what the Holy Spirit might actually do once given complete freedom in my life, and an addiction to comfort. Last night, before I finally fell asleep, I asked God to kill all things in me that hinder the Holy Spirit's movement. I also prayed for the Holy Spirit to take a hold of me and move me and in me. So many changes happening at one time, but I am at peace and filled with joy in my inadequacy.

Thank God that we don't have it all together because He is still in control.