Christmas Ornaments

 Christmas season is almost here, and we are getting ready for it at the Bean house.  Monday night, I hosted a Clep test prep for my students and some that are not my students but needed the practice.  When I got there, one of my beautiful students presented me this ornament.  It is precious to me.  Almost a year ago, I asked Michael for a camera, and he said to wait.  Almost a year ago I began praying, and now here we are on the go constantly capturing God's moments.  I am know begging Michael to learn how to shoot so that he can be my second shooter.  Every life changing moment or trip that Michael and I experience, we buy a Christmas ornament.  Sometimes ornaments are no where to be found, so we end up getting a key chain, and yes, the key chain goes on the tree.  Anyway, I would like to share some of our new ornaments this year.  My ornaments are so special to me! 

Some friends gave us a weekend get away trip last Christmas, and nothing work out on the trip.  By the end of the night, Michael and I were just laughing.  It rained on us, and we walked into this hotel dripping wet where everyone else was wearing ball gowns.  We got spoiled ice cream from Sonic and finally made a taco bell run when all else failed.  We did get to see some beautiful Christmas lights.  It was such a wonderful weekend despite all that happened because it was one of THOSE weekend trips.  I loved it!!  I love when things do not go according to plan.

 This is the ornament I picked up from San Fransico when I attended my Not For Sale Fight Against Human Trafficking Investigator Academy.  I went to Pier 39 to play tourist.  I had such a lovely time in the city, and I am so thankful for the things I learned there and how God has opened up doors.  This ornament constantly reminds me that my dear husband will always let me chase the things God has created.  What a wonderful husband and God I have!

 Last year, Michael and I got the chance to work with an organization in Atlanta fighting trafficking and the sex industry.  We spent our Christmas going in and out of brothels and strip clubs!  I am just amazed at the adventures God has given us!!  Michael was of course the hit of the show... he carried twice as many food boxes as most people and he was so protective of the team when we went into the brothels!  We picked this ornament up after going to Birmingham to spend Christmas Eve at David Platt's church.

 This is not only an ornament but a reminder of the sweet baby we lost earlier this fall.  I guess, it is actually a reminder of both of our sweet babies that wait for us in heaven.  We keep this out all year long, but it is nice to be able to hang this on the tree.  This brings tears to my eyes still.  I miss my children, but I know that they are in good hands.  They are playing and walking with the King!  I am blessed to know that they are well taken care of.

Picked up in the airport on my way back from San Fransico.  I went to Colorado a long time ago but forgot to get an ornament, so this was on the top of the to do list.  However, this also serves as a reminder of the time I spent in the airport alone!  I was so scared and my God gave me courage and strength, and my husband gave me encouragement!

My dad got married this past year.  His wife is very considerate of Michael and I.  The past few years, we have spend the day after Thanksgiving with my dad.  This year, his wife made me a special Paleo Pumpkin Pie.  I was very grateful.  She got Michael this ornament shortly before her and my dad got married.  She has been so good for my dad.




So what Christmas traditions do you have in your home?

I am Weak.

My weakness: Ice Cream and Mac and Cheese... speaking of which, I may have to make some Mac and Cheese before finishing this post....Okay, boiling water is a go. My husband went to bed tonight without me because I was given strict instructions to stop my life and blog (thank you Lord for a Mr. Steady/Command Man). So anyway, for your viewing pleasure I have inserted a few pictures from Thanksgiving.

I have been planning a blog in my head for some time now. Planning... I am really good at planning.. too bad that my follow through is somewhat lacking. Anyway, I have been planning this blog all about how I cooked these Paleo friendly Thanksgiving meals and how delicious they were, but honestly, I feel like tonight I just need to share how much of a failure I am. I am so not perfect. I get angry too easily, I double book myself all the time, and I am kind of a flake. I hate this qualities within myself like no other. They are the laziness, the fear, and the pride sneaking up to kill who I am, but nights like tonight... I just have to stop and figure out who am I at the center. Like an onion... sometimes you just have to peel away all that the world has heaped on so that you can come back to an understanding of who you are in Christ. That last sentence made it sound like you could do something, but really... God has done it all on the cross. That is why the cross is so vital to the Christian. Everything debt was paid on that cross, and I hang dearly to the cross for life and hope. I love that cross. It is the cross I bear because it is the only hope that I have. The cross is enough. The cross is where Jesus said it was finished, and I am so thankful that no matter how much of a failure I am, I can still kneal at the cross and hear the words "I took care of that."

 

I know my pictures have nothing to do with my post, but I couldn't leave out the cool Paleo dishes. I found most of these at Paleo OMG (it is basically the best website ever when it comes to Paleo). Anyways, back to the cross. When we were in college, we took this fun test to see what disciple we were most like. I got Peter (we were not surprised). Why Peter? Because I have way too much pride, arrogance, fear, and I speak way too often before thinking. I have hurt many people because of my simple minded words. I can totally relate to Peter. Maybe I have never denied Christ in word, but I am sure my actions have denied Him more than I care to recall. How embarrasing is it to call a friend and apologize for speaking or acting before thinking? In Luke 5:8, Peter realized that Jesus was in fact Christ. He fell down and told Jesus to leave his presence for Peter knew that he was a sinner. Oh My... can I relate!

So yeah... I did good at Thanksgiving, but I hit a low point a couple of days after and definitely went on a carb binge today, and I am sure I will pay for it later. I want to be a good person so badly it makes me sick. I really want to answer every phone call and text message I get. I want to have self control when it comes to food. I want to remember to write my friends. I want to sit up late at night and pray for friends and family that are hurting, but I fail. Thank God there is the cross.. Thank God there is tomorrow.

 My husband killing a tree stump.

 Thanksgiving Cookies and Charlie Brown Thanksgiving.

 Getting ready for the hayride!

It is Christmas at the Bean House.

Struggling to find Love

Do you ever get tired of talking?  Do you ever get tired of trying to do the very best you can do?  Do you ever get tired of encountering people who have one desire and that is to shut you down?  As the political season escalates, I have become more and more discouraged with our American lifestyle.  I wonder why we have so many missionaries heading for other countries and not hanging around in America... maybe it is become Americans (in general) have become so hardened by the Word of God?  Our hearts are no longer focused on selfless love.  Life is about using all the time you have to please yourself.  The word sacrafice is quickly dissapearing, and we no longer reach out to our brother and sister in love and peace.  The best and worst thing about reading articles on-line is that people can comment.  I get a better idea of where we are at as a country by reading the comments.  For example, two people may be discussing difference in political ideas, but instead of discussing what is better for a country, the discussion can quickly turn into a conversation of hatred by throwing verbal abuse back and forth.  These people may not seem very intelligent, but these people are normal. 

Ugh!  So many random words, and I still feel like I haven't gotten out my point!  I was reading an article about the new HPV vaccine.  The government now recommends having teenage girls betweent he ages of 12-16 (or something like that ) get this vaccine because the idea is that basically all girls between these ages will become sexually active even if that doesn't include direct intercourse.  Now apparently some religious group decided that this vaccine would actually cause girls to become more sexually active, so a bunch of researchers got together to prove that the vaccine did not cause girls to increase or decrease their sexual activity.  The comments on this article are fun.  Most of them are about how this stupid religious group should be ashamed of ordering this study (which if I read this correctly the group did not order the testing). 

Anyways, they go on and on about how the vaccine is so good, and then one woman posts about how she has taught her daughter why it is important to wait to have sex until marriage, but when her daughter was 16 she had her daughter take the vaccine for extra protection.  I guess you would call this absence plus education (which by the way everyone was commenting about how absence plus was the correct way to teach children about sex).  The next comment was directed at this mother.  It told her that more than likely her daughter was having sex by the age of 12 because most girls are having sex by that age and she was a horrible mother for not getting her daughter vaccine before 16.  The comment went on to say that if the government tells us to do something it is for our safety and it is good to just do it especially when our freedoms become a hazard to our safety. 

I wanted to cry.  Another dad posted something about teaching his daughter morals, and the comment in reply to him was simply, you are not a moral person and you have not taught your daughter anything to give her any moral background.  If you are using that book of Bible stories as your basis for morals then you are teaching a bunch of lies. 

OH YES!  That is right... whatever the government feeds us must be fact, but anything else is a book of lies.  Where do I get my plane ticket out?

All that is a little harsh.  I love America.  I love my soldiers.  I love my state and my freedoms.  I do lose hope.  Don't get me wrong, I do not think God has pulled His hand away from America or His people, but I do get so frustrated.  The church is told to speak out in love.  LOVE is the only way to fight or win any battle.  It is the only thing that will defeat the enemy.  Education, money, and giftings are all great, but according to the song, "If I don't have love, then I am bankrupt." 

You know what though.. it is hard to love.  It is hard to continue loving when someone throws everything you have ever believed or hope for back into your face.  It is hard when you are faced daily with lies that contradict what you know to be the truth.  Our kids our fed this daily, and so are we.  We love and love and love and then someone tells us we are bad parents, liars, manipulators, etc. and so forth.  So what does the church do?  We grow hard against the world.  We begin holding riots and picketing without a single ounce of love in our hearts.  We decide to fight hatred with hatred.  UGH! 

I am split.  I know that I must continue to love, but I get so angry.  I ask God all the time, why do I have to love that person?  Why did you allow me to invest time in that person to have it thrown back at me?  Why am I so open for attacks?  I think about buying a little house with a nice little fence, two sweet little cars, and working to buy nice things and raise two children (because anymore would just be ridiculous).  I smile about how safe that sounds.  Then reality comes in, and I realize that no matter what, as a believer, I am not safe... not from the world anyways.  Jesus said there would be trouble.  So, I get over my little dream, have my pity party, and keep moving.  I keep trying to love, and failing miserably, and asking God to pick me back up.  I keep falling into self-absorbed world and struggling again.  I ask God to give me the wisdom to determine an outright lie to an half-truth to truth. 



And life goes on.    

Cause the Salsa Needs Canning

    I have had the title of this post in my mind for a long time.  I have been very lazy with writing lately, and there is no excuse for my laziness.  Writing is a very powerful tool in my life, and to deny the Holy Spirit's gift because of laziness is a shame.  As many of you know, at least those of you in blog world that take your sweet time to read my updates (which by the way, thank you so much for taking time out of your busy day to read the words God has given me), my husband and I have began a journey into a world of ministry.  We are very dedicated to proclaiming freedom around the world starting in our own community.  These past few years have brought many life changing events ending with me on a plane to San Fransisco to become trained in investigation and reporting for cases of slavery in my own community.  I was trained, and after being home for only a few days, I was asked to be involved with a Human Trafficking Awareness Summit held at the state capital. 

   Amazed by the new updates in the law, I was excited to be asked to be involved with such a wonderful adventure, so I embarked on what I now kindly refer to as "little black dress" ministry.  This type of ministry includes putting on your best clothes and playing "important" with big name law officials.  Sorta like when we were children and played house.  You knew inside that you did not belong in this type of world (at least not yet), but you welcomed the chance to play. 

   It didn't take long for me to realize, though, that I did not belong in this world (at least not yet).  I left at the morning break because I had a house to clean, people to visit, and salsa to can. 

    Time is precious.  It is the most precious gift you can give someone, and it is a fleeting part of our lives.  Our time is different than a store bought gift because once you have given your time, it can never be returned.  I must never be selfish with my time, or deny time to a person that God has told me to give because it doesn't fit into my schedule.  Sometimes the people that God tells us to spend time with isn't logical.  My home and family must be a major part of my time (the most important), but home and family can also consume every second of my time becoming more of a distraction.  My time is too precious to be spent on chasing ideas and dreams that I cannot see God's hand holding together, and like I trust my money, love, and life to God, my time also, must be daily given to Him.  Time spent must be intentional, for spending time can quickly become meaningless or wasted.  Sadly, there are occasions where time spent doing "ministry" is just wasted time.  Time could be spent better elsewhere such as canning salsa.     

I have learned these lessons the hard way.  Naturally, I am a shy person when I am in a crowd that I am not known.  It takes me quite awhile to warm up to people, and even then it is easy for me to move on from relationships.  It is a piece of my personality that makes me incredibly sad.  I like to fill my days with checklists and management, but this doesn't allow the Holy Spirit to move.  We must be intentional with our time because reality is, there are many things to get done in a day.  Every house wife knows that from the moment she wakes up to the moment she lies down, she is in movement.

    So I left the meeting because that season of my life hasn't came as of yet, and honestly, I have done very little with the training I came home with from San Fransisco.  I hope to change this, but it is all about waiting on the Holy Spirit to move.  I will squeeze in here though, it is about movement as well.  More on that later.  It takes waking up every morning and asking God, "Okay, what do I do today?"  It takes obeying His leading when He tells you to go or to stay.  What season of life are we in as of now?  Well, I am building a photography business, and it is going very well (thanks be to God and the creative insights the Holy Spirit has given me).  I am trying to find a place at the kickboxing gym that I am now attending (since I am officially past all hurts and aches), and I am attempting to get healthy enough to carry a baby to term.  I am seeing a natural herbalist doctor guy that has suggested some medicine that will raise my body temp high enough to keep a baby (since my normal body temp is below 96 degrees), and I am starting to feed my body organic food.  My prayer is that by the end of the year, we will be pregnant again, and the baby will be carried to term.  I am also in a season of leaving full time work and going to part time work and trusting God with money.  Finally, I am in a season of building a ministry.  God just hasn't given me or my husband the picture of what that is going to look like yet. 

So what season of life do you find yourself in at the moment, and are you spending your time intentionally in that season?

30 Before 30

     What is it about starting a new adventure in life that makes us want to review our life?  I guess that is a sill question, but I do feel as if life goes so quickly I have to take time to review what I have actually done.  What started as an assignment for my students (the last assignment I ever gave them) has now became a great adventure in the Bean household.  So here it is...my 30 Before 30 (30 things I would like to do before I turned 30 years old).

1. Have children
2. Go to another country
3. Be published
4. Run the mud-run
5. Run a half-marathon
6. Be involved with a ministry
7. Go on a spontaneous trip
8. Get a tattoo
9. Have a photography business
10. Go white water rafting.
11. Buy a pair of Chacos
12. Play the guitar on stage.
13. Work at a coffee shop
14. Drink wine at a vineyard.
15. Go sking with Michael
16. Become a free and happy housewife
17. Go to D.C. in the winter
18. Kayak More
19. Dance barefoot, on the sand, in the rain
20. Take a ride on a train.
21. Hike at least 20 trails.
22. Go on one backpacking trip
23. Own a small house
24. Help a trafficked victim
25. Ride a horse in the country
26. Learn another language
27. Take a picture with a child from another country in another country
28. Donate hair to locks of love
29. Visit the Grand Canyon and the Redwoods
30. Have a home where the Spirit is free to move, where food is good and healthy, where it looks comfortable and fun, and where people can come to feel happy and safe.


                         I don't know if I will accomplish all or any of these, but it is fun to dream.  However, we have officially started saving for a trip to Europe, and we are going hiking over our anniversary weekend.  What about you?  If you had to do a 30 before 30 or a 40 before 40 list, what would be on the list?

Be Strong and Courageous

     This is the first summer in a long time that I will not be packing my bags soon to head out to camp.  Leaving for summer camp for a couple of months became a distant reality last summer when God called me home half way through my time at Skyline.  This summer I will also be working for an organization that helps children with severe disabilities.  I will be forced to be focused and the adult because to do otherwise would be extremely dangerous.  I also said goodbye to teaching last week, and I have no clue what I am going to be doing come Septemember.  In just a few weeks, I will be packing my bags and heading off to San Fransico for Investigator training, I have been spending way too much time behind the a camera or in front of a computer getting ready to begin a business that is very crowded right now, and my husband and I are quickly approaching our first year anniversary (which we are celebrating at a wonderful Bed and Breakfast).  We have moved (that makes three time in three years) and I am too sore to walk from the new Kickboxing classes that I began yesterday.  The past couple of months have brought many tears when I remember how much I have really changed.  However, there is so much peace in my house, and the past few days God has spent a lot of time lately reminding me to hold on to Him.      

I have been reading through the book of Joshua, and am amazed at what Rahab actually did.  In the first few chapters of Joshua, you have the Lord telling Joshua to be strong and corageous.  The Lord promises to give Joshua all that He gave to Moses.  A promise of care and hope.  Then you have Rahab come into the picture.  After just a few moments with the Israelite spies, she claims their God as the God of all things and asks for her and her family to be saved.  Her faith was enormous.  The spies left her saying that the only way she would be saved was if she hung a scarlett cord out of her window.  Now, I guess in my head I thought that the transaction of the spies meeting Rahab, going back to the camp and then coming back to Jericho happened within a matter of days, but reading through the text again reveals it probably took a matter of weeks.  I can barely imagine what must have been going through Rahab's heart and mind.  I wonder if she ever thought that the Israelites has abandoned her, or maybe she was more aware of the time it would take to get back to camp and come for her.  Either way, I am sure she had to be strong and corageous.   

I decided the other day not to worry about September.  Michael and I are doing what we feel God has told us to do with me quitting.  We will continue on this journey and be strong and courageous while we wait.  Thank God that the Israelites came back for Rahab.  God heard her cry and did not leave her forsaken.  God will never leave His people forsaken no matter how distant He may seem at the moment.