Learning and Living Grace

     My husband is at the Batman marathon. **Rolls Eyes**  I married the one of the biggest nerds in the world.  I say one of because I know for a fact that my husband is at this marathon with several guy friends.  I have this unnatural addiction to popping the pimples on my husband's back.  Gross to admit, but it makes for entertaining story.  He hates it when I attack him with my pimple popping crazies.  Today he got revenge with a dirty sock shoved into my face.  We wrestled to the ground in a frenzie!  Me trying to fight away the sock, and him trying to not let me fall on the floor but at the same time trying to not let me get away with the horrible pimple popping that just occurred.  Maybe that is way too much TMI into our marriage.  My sister-in-law, her husband, and three small children were at our house the other day.  The three girls were playing happily and then decided to start wrestling.  My oldest niece had my middle niece on the ground.  Their father watched in bewilderment as they wrestled wondering where they learned such behavior.  I would say not from us, but then I would be lying...  Oh Well! 

There are so many things I love about our marriage, but one of the most important things is our attempt to show grace to one another.  For example, the other night, my husband worked all day long.  I complained a few times about his work schedule, and when he came home, he had two dozen roses in his hands.  I definitely did not DESERVE those roses.  I definitely had not done anything to gain those roses.  They came free of charge from a man who just wants to love a screw-up like me. 


   My disease, my struggles, my past have a way of dictating the way I see the grace of God.  I monitor my eating habits, I flee from temptation, and I choke down seven different herbal vitamins a day in order to be healthy and hopefully one day carry a child to term.  In all my doing I feel like I get an attitude where I can also earn God's love, God's forgiveness, or even God's miracles (like life itself: either my own or the future one that He will place inside of me).  But like the roses, I did nothing to deserve His love, His miracles, or even His forgiveness.  I cannot do enough good to be good enough for Him.  That is why there is Jesus.  Someone had to make up the difference. 


     How often I forget that, though.  I watched a sermon by Louie Gigilo tonight.  He talked about the time when the woman was almost stoned.  The religious leaders asked Jesus what they should do, and Jesus simply responded "Whoever is without sin may cast the first stone."  All the leaders left until only Jesus and the woman remained.  I didn't think about it until tonight though, but Jesus was without sin.  He could have stoned the woman to death, but He didn't.  He let her go.  He didn't convict her, and sent her away with instruction to change her lifestyle.  She did nothing to deserve His grace.  He freely gave it knowing that soon He would be on the cross choosing death so that we can receive the righteousness of Christ.
This is not a new concept for me.  I have heard the story of grace, and I understand that I cannot do anything for the Lord's love.  I understand that he is NOT counting my wrongs against me, but that He is loving, teaching, and molding me into something better.  However, how quick I am to write people off when I feel that their lifestyle is not deserving of my attention.  I do not think the church should tolerate sin.  There is biblical truth in church discipline.  However, relationships (true relationships) take grace.  It takes saying, I know that you messed up, and I know that you don't deserve my love, but I am gonna give it to you anyways because I just want to love you.  We do not live in that kind of society, and sadly the church is starting to look more and more like the world.  Saying your sorry is probably one of the most if not the most difficult thing in the world.  What if everytime I had to apologize to my husband, he just rolled his eyes?  What if he continued to hold my wrong over my head and made me earn his love back with deeds?  What if my husband never gave up of himself just so that he could love me?  What pain my heart would feel. 


                    What if everytime someone said, "Okay, I give up.  I can't run anymore. I'm sorry."

             We just opened our arms and said "Welcome Home!  Let the party begin... you came home."

Cause the Salsa Needs Canning

    I have had the title of this post in my mind for a long time.  I have been very lazy with writing lately, and there is no excuse for my laziness.  Writing is a very powerful tool in my life, and to deny the Holy Spirit's gift because of laziness is a shame.  As many of you know, at least those of you in blog world that take your sweet time to read my updates (which by the way, thank you so much for taking time out of your busy day to read the words God has given me), my husband and I have began a journey into a world of ministry.  We are very dedicated to proclaiming freedom around the world starting in our own community.  These past few years have brought many life changing events ending with me on a plane to San Fransisco to become trained in investigation and reporting for cases of slavery in my own community.  I was trained, and after being home for only a few days, I was asked to be involved with a Human Trafficking Awareness Summit held at the state capital. 

   Amazed by the new updates in the law, I was excited to be asked to be involved with such a wonderful adventure, so I embarked on what I now kindly refer to as "little black dress" ministry.  This type of ministry includes putting on your best clothes and playing "important" with big name law officials.  Sorta like when we were children and played house.  You knew inside that you did not belong in this type of world (at least not yet), but you welcomed the chance to play. 

   It didn't take long for me to realize, though, that I did not belong in this world (at least not yet).  I left at the morning break because I had a house to clean, people to visit, and salsa to can. 

    Time is precious.  It is the most precious gift you can give someone, and it is a fleeting part of our lives.  Our time is different than a store bought gift because once you have given your time, it can never be returned.  I must never be selfish with my time, or deny time to a person that God has told me to give because it doesn't fit into my schedule.  Sometimes the people that God tells us to spend time with isn't logical.  My home and family must be a major part of my time (the most important), but home and family can also consume every second of my time becoming more of a distraction.  My time is too precious to be spent on chasing ideas and dreams that I cannot see God's hand holding together, and like I trust my money, love, and life to God, my time also, must be daily given to Him.  Time spent must be intentional, for spending time can quickly become meaningless or wasted.  Sadly, there are occasions where time spent doing "ministry" is just wasted time.  Time could be spent better elsewhere such as canning salsa.     

I have learned these lessons the hard way.  Naturally, I am a shy person when I am in a crowd that I am not known.  It takes me quite awhile to warm up to people, and even then it is easy for me to move on from relationships.  It is a piece of my personality that makes me incredibly sad.  I like to fill my days with checklists and management, but this doesn't allow the Holy Spirit to move.  We must be intentional with our time because reality is, there are many things to get done in a day.  Every house wife knows that from the moment she wakes up to the moment she lies down, she is in movement.

    So I left the meeting because that season of my life hasn't came as of yet, and honestly, I have done very little with the training I came home with from San Fransisco.  I hope to change this, but it is all about waiting on the Holy Spirit to move.  I will squeeze in here though, it is about movement as well.  More on that later.  It takes waking up every morning and asking God, "Okay, what do I do today?"  It takes obeying His leading when He tells you to go or to stay.  What season of life are we in as of now?  Well, I am building a photography business, and it is going very well (thanks be to God and the creative insights the Holy Spirit has given me).  I am trying to find a place at the kickboxing gym that I am now attending (since I am officially past all hurts and aches), and I am attempting to get healthy enough to carry a baby to term.  I am seeing a natural herbalist doctor guy that has suggested some medicine that will raise my body temp high enough to keep a baby (since my normal body temp is below 96 degrees), and I am starting to feed my body organic food.  My prayer is that by the end of the year, we will be pregnant again, and the baby will be carried to term.  I am also in a season of leaving full time work and going to part time work and trusting God with money.  Finally, I am in a season of building a ministry.  God just hasn't given me or my husband the picture of what that is going to look like yet. 

So what season of life do you find yourself in at the moment, and are you spending your time intentionally in that season?