If We Estimate the Entirety of the World by What We Can See, then What a Limited Perception We Have

I met a dear woman today... actually, I have been meeting several dear strangers lately. This woman makes more money in a day than I will make in the next few years. She is the reason that Michael has worked the last 27 days. She is kind, and the first thing she said when she met me was a big thank you for letting her borrow my husband. She is Michael's new CEO, and though I have seen her in the paper and have heard Michael talk about her several times, it was difficult to look her in the face because I do not know if I ever actually believed that she existed. I know that seems like a silly thing to say, especially since I have heard her name mentioned several times in the last month at almost every dinner time conversation. This woman is currently moving into a new house that Michael has been busy remodeling. How limited our perception is! I had never met this woman before, so my perception told me that she did not actually exist.

I have been challenging my perception a lot lately. After work the other day, I decided that my husband and I needed to go look at some land that was for sale. After his arrival and our sweet hellos, I pulled on some tall boots underneath my skirt (because I am afraid of snakes) and we went on a great adventure to find the land and decide if it was what we were looking for or not. When we stepped foot on the land, I felt like a child playing make believe. Could we really be here? Could I really be married and looking for land... land to build a family upon?

Of course, there is more to this story than meets the eye. Michael and I have determined that we are to open a safe house in the future, but even as I type the words I do not believe what I am saying. We have recently met with bankers, talked with real estate agents and anyone that will sit down long enough to hear the entirety of our dream. To open a home, for ex-prostitutes, ex-human trafficked women and children, or anyone else that God brings to our door. A place that teaches girls that material things are not the most important things, that there is hope despite the hell that they have seen, and how hard work is refreshing to the soul. I imagine having cows, chickens, and a large farm. I imagine baking bread and starting connections with so many people that my list of friends grows to the extreme. I have no idea what all of this is going to look like in ten years, and God is slowly teaching me to take things step by step. I mean, God sees it all, and I am walking around with my limited perception. Thank the Lord that He does not go according to my limited perception.

When I graduated high school, several colleges required me to answer the overhanging question, where do you see yourself in five years? How silly of a question! Five years ago, the only safe thing that I could tell you was that, I knew despite everything, I would still have faith. God is good to give me insight to the things about to come, but not in my wildest dreams could I have told anyone that I was going to be a special education teacher with a husband and dreamed of opening a farm that ministered to women coming out of horrible situations. Of course, the very common verse Jeremiah 29:11 says that HE has a plan for us.

So here is what I can tell you. Michael and I are sure that there will be money to open a safe house when that time comes. God has plenty of money, but we do wish to get the land and the house for us up and going before we start trying to convince people that they should give money to open the safe house. The bank told me the other day that both Michael and I have excellent credit scores, but we make too much money to get any state assisted grants with the deposit or closing costs. That means we are going to have to AT LEAST come up with 4% of the down payment. Michael and I, at this present time, are not making enough money to put enough into savings in order to make the down payment, so on to the prayer wall the need goes. Also, since nobody wants to be farmers any more, banks are hesitant to give loans to people trying to buy land more than 5acres. The sweet banker smiled at me though and promised that it was going to be possible to get us into a house. Any bank would jump at the chance to give us a loan with our limited debt and good credit scores. There are few random things that we have to clean up, but otherwise, Michael and I are in really good shape. In addition to this, there are a few more pages of paper work that needs to be completed to secure Michael and I a stop on the nightlight international team in Atlanta. Michael and I will be able to spend a couple of weeks working with them on their intervention team, and possibly doing other things while waiting for Passion to begin. Of course, this means that there will be costs as well... hostel or hotel costs, ticket prices, gas, and food. If you were interested in getting us a Christmas present this year, we would be very grateful for gas and food cards. I know that God has plenty of money, and slowly but surely I am reminded how I can do nothing without Him.

To spend some time together, I made Michael and I dinner last night and we watched Soul Surfer. A good movie... not great, but good. As soon as the girl got bit by the shark, she started praying for strength. It was an immediate reaction. She knew she didn't have the strength to survive without Him, so without skipping a beat she went right into prayer, no anxious cries or screams, just quiet prayer. I wish my reaction could be just as focused, each day to stand out of bed and immediately go into prayer. "God give me strength and wisdom. Bless me so that I may bless You and Your people." I watch closely as the things occurring for Michael and I look more and more like distant dreams and make believe than actual events, and I realize how God is holding me in the palm of His hands, and I must turn to Him and focus on Him who is the strength giver. A change of perception is required.

The Wilderness Way

"Then it came to pass, when Pharaoh had let the people go, that God did not lead them by the way of the land of the Philistines, although that was near; for God said, 'Lest perhaps the people change their minds when they see war, and return to Egypt.' So God led the people around by way of the wilderness of the Red Sea. And the children of Israel went up in orderly ranks out of the land of Egypt. And Moses took the bones of Joseph with him, for he had placed the children of Israel under solemn oath, saying, 'God will surely visit you, and you shall carry up my bones from here with you.' So they took their journey from Succoth and camped in Etham at the edge of the wilderness. And the Lord went before them by day in a pillar of cloud to lead the way, and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, so as to go by day and night. He did not take away the pillar of cloud by day or the pillar of fire by night from before the people."

I cannot do justice by this picture of the amazement that this quilt actually is. My dad, my crazy definitely not a homemaker in any sense of the word dad, learned how to sew to make me this quilt. He sewed each piece of it by himself. I got it out this morning again to look at the gift to realize once again how much love, time, and energy had went into making this quilt. My father and I rarely see eye to eye on ANYTHING. Most of our conversations end up in arguments and hurt feelings by both parties. However, there is no denying that we love each other. I cannot believe that he made this for me!!!

Life has been happening lately. I am soaking up some serious coffee shop time this morning because my days of morning coffee shop life is quickly coming to an end. School is starting, and as sad as I am about leaving this life of stay at home wife easiness, I am interested to see what God has in store for my husband and I. A new school year always brings a mystery. I mean can you believe the fact that last August, I had never even had a boyfriend before... EVER! This August I am busy visiting family that love me because I am apart of Michael... how cool to have nieces! Four as of Saturday. Sophia was born to Diana and Stephen Saturday at 8am. Diana is a rockstar! She had Sophia at home without any drugs. Also, Michael's brother and sister in-law are in from Taiwan! They have stayed with us the last couple of nights, and I am so blessed to get to love on them. Their daughter Evelyn is the embodiment of awesome! She has so much spunk just running through her blood. Her eyes just light up at the sight of life. I have fallen in love with this brown eyed child, and though I know my time with the Taiwan Beans is coming to an end all too quickly, I am determined to get to Taiwan as quickly as I can. I want to take the time to be apart of Evelyn's life. Also, Michael has taught me to play the game of Risk lately. Not only am I hooked on the game, but I actually beat him!!! Michael is probably regretting ever teaching me because we have spent the last few days with Risk out on the table. Last night, he pulled me away from Risk, and we played the old version of Life with Richard and Claire. In addition to all of this, Grace Bible Fellowship had camp last week, and Michael got to help with security. I have been praying lately for good Christian friends. I need to have a life besides work and Michael. God has been slowly answering that prayer, and the last night of security I got to stay up all night with him and another couple. I love the wife of that couple, and I hope to get the time to ask her to hang out soon. Cool thing is, she is a teacher too! So she understands the time commitment.


The adventure of summer has always been God's chance to slow me down and renew my spirit, so... my reservations about the school year beginning are justified. I understand that many things that occurred last year will not happen again, but the time spent teaching in a classroom is not the entire time a teacher spends being a teacher. This year, I made RULES FOR TEACHER PAULA to make sure that I lived a balanced life. However, this is not the only problem that comes with being a teacher. It is hard to be patient for what I believe God will design for my husband and I. I see God preparing us everyday for full time "organized" mission work. My mission work that takes place in the classroom is no less important, don't misunderstand what I am saying.

I really am drawn to working with women who are mixed up in prostitution, human trafficking ect. I have seen, through the life of a most beloved family member, how quickly the bondage of this kind of life can completely consume a person. One day, however, I was asking God how to minister to a person who had just came out of that kind of bondage. How do you tell a person who was kidnapped and kept in a horrible hell of bondage that there is a God who loves them, and the answer I received was very simple.... time.

When the Israelites came out of the bondage of Egypt, God could have sent them straight to the land of Canaan. However, they would have seen war and scary things, and instead of trusting God to deliver them just as He delivered them from Egypt... they would return to Egypt... to the bondage of slavery. I think about the world we are in today and realize how many people feel SAFER in bondage than they do in freedom. I look at this quilt that my dad slaved over, and I look at how intricate each part is in representing a piece of my Wilderness travel. God had to take me into the wilderness as well because if I had just been given freedom, I would have returned to bondage. There are still things today that feel safer in bondage than in freedom. My HUSBAND THREW AWAY MY SCALE THE OTHER DAY. He asked me how many times I checked me weight on a daily basis. When I was honest with him, and myself, I finally revealed that I checked how much I weigh about ten to eleven times a day. When I woke up, the scale was gone. My husband is getting the difference between bondage and freedom. I am so proud of the man he is and the husband he is learning to be. Security duty gave him the perfect chance to read the entire book of Proverbs, and since no book store in Conway has the new Francis Chan book, he has began the first Chan book called Crazy Love. I'm not gonna lie, I pray for my husband to get wisdom, but sometimes I fear the wisdom that God is going to give him.

God has been redirecting my steps as well... sending me back into the wilderness I'm sure. I love to run, but because of some recent knee trouble, my running has been limited to nothing. I know this seems like no big deal, but the idea that it hurts too much to run brings tears to my eyes. Of course, God provides. I have been given a good bike that my husband helped me fix up, and I have been busy challenging myself to go further than I believe possible. Also, my husband and I stumbled on a treadmill... basically brand new, for only a hundred dollars. I get to read the Chan book Forgotten God while I WALK on my new treadmill. The wilderness is a scary place, but God keeps us by the pillar of cloud and fire. I do not know if my husband and I will ever move away from Arkansas, but restoration from bondage takes time. If we were to ever own a camp for women coming out of trafficking... I think I would call it "The Wilderness Way."

I challenge you to look at the wilderness that God has placed you in, and instead of lacking patience and getting angry with God, look forward to the freedom that is sure to come after.