In Passionate Pursuit

I would hate to be my husband at this moment. Christmas is coming soon, and in an effort to establish early in our family that Christmas is primarily about the birth of our precious Savior and the season should be more about giving than getting, we established a four present rule. This means that we give eachother only four presents each year, and when we have children, they too will receive only four presents.

This plan seemed perfect a year ago when we were discussing what Christmas was going to look like in our family, but in practice it can be a little harder. My husband loves me, but more than that he takes in pride in all the things that I love. We were driving home the other night, and he started bouncing around ideas about what to get me for Christmas, and I was stunned at all the things that God has used to give me an idenity. The person Christ made when He entered into my life is so much more diverse and interesting than I could have ever imagined, and oddly enough, I spend most of my time feeling like He messed up somewhere. Such a foolish child I am.

In reality, I am as diverse as the colors in nature itself, and I wish... oh how I wish that I could remember more often to speak truth about who I am instead of listening to the enemy's lies. As a matter of fact, even today, I was pondering whether or not I should start a few different blogs because it is hard to contain everything the Creator has given me to say in just one post every couple of days. God is amazing!


So without further adue, I present... Because I needed a reminder.

When God entered my life....

My best friend became the guitar.
I learned how to see beauty more and wanted to capture that beauty in photography.
I learned how to use my natural ability of placing words together to bring glory to Him.
I became a mother to many.
I became a passionate pursurer of what is right and just.
I became in love with the fight against the sex industry and human trafficking.
I became a friend that wasn't afraid to take chances or even on occassion speak truth.
I became a traveler.
I became a lover of good coffee and better music.
I developed an admiration for simple and peaceful things.
I developed a love for vegetables and fruits.
I created a salad in a box: Where I grew the lettuce, tomatoe, and everything else needed.
I created a home for not just my husband but several people before him.
I became aware of my disease and how to battle the disease.
I became a camp counselor with a passion for movement.
I learned to dance... and the freedom found in dance.
I became a sister.
I learned to lay on the floor and laugh because there is nothing else to do.
I learned how to run.
I became a runner.
I gained wisdom on how to balance money, food, and life.

God has created a woman that I would have never dreamed of being. When I was in high school I created two lists. The first list had two columns. The first column was everything that I thought I was, and the second column was everything that I wanted to be. It was evident how much I hated myself. The second list I created was a detailed list of everything I wanted to accomplish and by what age I wanted to accomplish the goal. Both list make me cry and laugh now. After I had been a Christian for a few months, I created a new list... Everything that God said I was. Occassionally, I have to go back and ask God again for Him to reveal to me who I am in Him.

The time is coming to take more steps in faith, and I always want to stay....

In Passionate Pursuit.

When Dreams Come True...

I am not nor have I ever been one of those girls that believed you need a man to "Complete" you. God made me into an individual, and He alone completes me. He made me whole when He entered into my heart, but my relationship with Michael is very important. I tell him as much as I can that he is my hero, and I mean it with all my heart. Ever since I was a little girl, I have had dreams of what my life would look like when I got older, and how I was to celebrate holidays was always something that I spent a serious amount of time pondering. Michael and I were driving to the house yesterday, and he asked me if I had a good Thanksgiving day. I smiled, and I said it was and still is the best Thanksgiving I think I can ever remember having. Not that holidays were not special at my house, but Michael makes sure that everything is so special in the simplest way. We both love to celebrate, and he really does make my dreams come true. We are not finished with our Thanksgiving week yet. We will be spending all day Saturday together, and we will spend Sunday with his family. The following are just some pictures of how Michael made this holiday season special.

Since Michael and I are leaving for Nightlight during Christmas, we have to celebrate Christmas early. I was so afraid we were not going to get anything done in time for us to celebrate Christmas. Thanksgiving morning, when Michael woke up, he decided to go get us a Christmas tree. I was so excited! Then he told me where he was going to get it from. I won't say we STOLE our Christmas tree, we just took advantage of a vacant home and vacant land. **shrugs**


I am beastly! I will defeat that Christmas tree!

Michael putting up Christmas lights on his own house for the very first time.

The finished product.

Our Black Friday shopping faces. I wasn't going to go, but Michael asked if I would go because he had never been. I had the best time running around the store army style texting and calling Michael. He was the perfect alliance.

My very first wreath ever, and it is a Paula original!

Saw this on pintrest, and I had to try it out! Our wedding invitation cut up and made into spirals. Then I placed it into a glass ball.

This Angel will eventually go on top of our tree.

Dancing in the Rain

Today... I am split on what I want to post about, and since I don't have a lot of time, I guess I better figure it out quickly. I know today that I am mixture of frustration and thankfulness. My body is finally back to normal.. meaning I got my wonderful curse back. I guess in my heart of hearts I wanted to believe that I had gotten pregnant again. You know what though... life moves on.

Today I am thankful that

31: I am drinking tea from Tawain given to us by our amazing family in Tawain spreading God's love.

32: I got to talk to Katie Opris this morning on Skype who is busy planting an orphanage in Romania.

33: A girl who is working in Korea to spread the love of Christ reminded me that I have a pomengrant in my fridge.

34: Nightlight international is excited about seeing us down in Atlanta.

35: We are going to get to help with a Christmas party for Nightlight's prevention program when we are in Atlanta.

36: My husband is good at taking care of his responsibilities at home.

37: My husband dances with me in the rain.

38: Everyone's Operation shoebox pictures on facebook.

39: After unpacking my Christmas stuff, I found Camp Skyline's old Christmas cards.

40: Maddie is heading for South Africa soon, and though I don't get to speak with her often, I know that God is already preparing a journey for her.

Be amazed at what God's church is doing!

We are reading The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe in my English classes, and yesterday we discussed what the world would be like if it was always winter and never Christmas. C.S. Lewis was honestly setting up the perfect picture of what a world without Christ looked like. Narnia was cold, sick, and without any hope or love. When the Pevensie children entered Narnia, hope came back to Narnia. It is like Christ coming into a world of darkness, hope came. The birth of love, joy, hope, and peace came when that little baby was born into a manger. I am learning more and more each day how important Christmas really is to the world. I was explaining this to my class the other day, and a few of them understood.

Imagine for a moment.... living without hope. What would my life be, if I lived without any hope of a bigger purpose? There would be no reason for life. Anyways... everything I am thankful for today really does have a common theme. They all deal with the church, not the building but the body of Christ. The church who is filled with the knowledge of hope, love, peace, and joy. I am thankful for the people who are today, this moment, pursuing Christ and living out His word... in big ways like Katie in Romania and in small things like my husband taking me in his arms and spinning me around outside barefoot in the rain because he knows where his responsiblities lie.

I have been reading and praying about the Church a lot lately because sometimes I feel like we miss what Christ was trying to say when He discussed the Church. I was frustrated with some things occuring the other day, and I fell upon chapter 2 and 3 in Revelations which really opened my eyes. God addresses the different types of churches, and tears filled my eyes as I pondered what Church was I lifting up the most... again not an actual building or name, but what type of life I was pursuing.

I decided that I don't wanna be...

The Loveless Church (2:1-7): Where I forget to love the Lord who placed my very breath inside of me, and I forget to love His people.

The Compromising Church (2:12-17) Where I tolerate anyone limiting what Christ did on the cross.

The Lukewarm Church (3:14-22) Where I take on an attitude of indifferance where people cannot tell if I am a Christian or not.

The Corrupt Church (2:18- 29) Where I tolerate sin and truth mixed into one.

The Dead Church (3:1-6) Where my works, though great, are for the simple act of work and being busy. Where there is no hope or love or joy or peace. I am dead.

Instead I want to be the faithful church and during times of persecution, I want to be the enduring church. I am no longer a child. My thoughts, therefore, should no longer be those of a child.

Today, I make a choice to quit hiding behind fear... to be alive... to accept the fact that I have grown up, and tomorrow.... I'll probably have to remind myself again.

Because it is Monday

I am so very thankful that

#21 I have a husband who told me yesterday that he LIKES to bring me breakfast in bed.

#22 That I am putting the Christmas tree up in my classroom today.

#23 That we are going to start reading The Lion, The Whitch and The Wardrobe a week early because I am sick of the 8 parts of speech.

#24 We actually had some fall like weather the last couple of days.

#25 Our pastor finally sent off our pastoral referrels for the NightLight International Program

#26 That we got a letter in the mail yesterday from Passion and Compassion.

#27 That the Angel for the Angel Tree came out yesterday.

#28 Only one more full week before the week of Thanksgiving Break

#29 Hillsong United is coming to Little Rock, and we are sooooo going!

#30 This coming weekend, my hubby and I are going to Hot Springs because a dear friend of ours decided we needed a weekend getaway trip.

That Stupid Negative Line

One of the many blessing I received when I got married was that I got to become an aunt to three amazingly beautiful little girls. I love walking through the door and seeing their faces light up, and I love that their dear and beautiful mother has taught them and is teaching them how to live a life of simplicity. I have this wonderful dream of my children and Diana's children playing together, fighting over toys, and taking naps together. Michael and I got to babysit these darling children the other night, and spending all that time with them made my heart fill with joy!

We are well into Novemember, almost Thanksgiving, and I am amazed at the blessings God continues to outpour on my life. Teaching Special Education children has been a great enjoyment the past few months, and if I had to spend time out of my home, there is no other place I would rather spend my time. My Special Education children teach me more than I teach them, and honestly, I would love to take every single one of them home. For example, there is one boy in my class that has some kind of social disorder and is very angry most of the time. I love his smile, and he has such a servant heart. He makes me laugh everyday, and before he leaves my classroom, I make sure to tell him that I love him. He barely speaks, and when he does it is hard to understand him, but he has stolen my heart. We all went bowling the other day for Special Olympics. The children were allowed to play in the arcade once we were done bolwing. This little boy got me a beautiful plastic bracelet from a quarter machine, and he couldn't wait to give it to me. My job and Michael's job keeps up busy, but honestly, I could not have asked for a better six months of marriage as a newlywed.

Yes, I am blessed beyond belief, but this morning, I have spent most of my time in tears. It has been six weeks since our miscarriage, and though we have only been married six months, and there really is no hurry getting pregnant again.... every negative pregnancy test still puts me through a flurry of emotions. It has been six weeks since our miscarriage, and I still haven't had a period. If I was back on my normal schedule I should have had a period last weekend. We waited until this weekend to test again. I was fine with not even testing, but yesterday, I was having some serious nausea when riding in a car... a normal pregnancy symptom. I guess, I got my hopes up, and I guess God is still saying... no, not yet.

My life become a series of contradictions. God says to be still and wait, but in my desire to control I begin thinking of new things to do to keep my mind focused off of the pain that miscarriage, polycystic, and in ability cause. God tells me to forgive and do not judge, but I have a tendency to judge every parent that walks through my doors at school or that I see on the street. God tells me that He has a plan, purpose, and a future for me, but I question his decision to take away or miracle baby and then possibly not give me another. I feel like my life and decisions have become pretty messy lately. This morning as I fixed my breakfast, I let a tear drop down my cheek for nothing expect my attitude to the Lord. My prayer.... God, I'm sorry. I am Your daughter, and You are my Daddy, and You have always been there to protect me, and I love You. It was the only words I could really get out.

There are so many blessings that I cannot even begin to count them. I have three beautiful nieces that love me, and I love them. I have the most amazing man on the face of the planet as my husband. I have two church families that love, care, and pray for us constantly. I have been given a passion from God that enables me to fight against those who try to trap and sell women, men, and children. I have been giving an everlasting life that I am already living out, and I have the best family a person could ever desire.

Uncle Michael and Aunt Paula with three of the most beautiful girls!

Don't Forget to Pack Your Shoeboxes

Hot Cocoa: CHECK!

Husband: CHECK

Wrapped Boxes: CHECK

Presents for Girl 5-9: CHECK

Presents for Boy 5-9: CHECK

Presents for Boy 10-13:CHECK

Happy Couple with Shoeboxes: CHECK

Family Life Church: On their way!

From Rags to Riches

A camera cannot bring out the true beauty of this amazing rag doll. We finished making them at church last night, and we I got in the truck with my husband I just kept looking at it and smiling. I almost felt as if I had turned five-years-old again, and this was the new doll that I have begging my mother and father to buy me. I smile when I think about the day that I have little girls old enough to make these dolls. They are not difficult, just scraps of linen torn and knotted together, and they are not expensive. However, it is becoming increasinlgy interesting to me how much we cherish those things that are not expensive or difficult. The simplicity in beauty. Who says you cannot find enjoyment if you are poor?



The meaning behind this doll though is so important. It stands as a symbol for women coming to the Lord and seeking forgiveness for their actions. I love being a newlywed. There is always something to learn and see and do, but I must be honest... most of the time I feel like a failure. Anyone else have that feeling? I have a full time teaching job, and I am trying to make a good home and run about 3-4 ministries. There is a lot of room for failure... like the fact that I still have about three loads of laundry left and my kitchen is a wreck. Not only that, but my dear husband is a people person, and from the moment he gets home until we go to bed, we spend most of our nights visiting people and loving on them. This was great this past summer when I was home and able to get everything I needed to get done before he got home, but now, many things get put on hold... and it can be exhausting. It also leaves a lot of room for Satan to attack... like last night when I spent 15 minutes in the car before church just in tears. God teaches a lot through the storms though, and I am sure that every minutes spent in the chiropratic office and every moment at school will soon be some great lesson someday.



My husband is good though. Each feeble attempt I make at being a good wife he lifts up in excitement and joy. He excites over me even though my feeble attempts seem like rags. Isn't that what we give God? He takes our rags and makes beautiful things out of them. He took me and made a doll, individual and beautiful. You want to know something cooler I learned while making this doll? This doll did none of the work. I made her. I made her parts, stitched her together and even clothed her. I spent special time on areas that I felt were most difficult, and I took an unusual amount of time picking out the fabric to make her dress. The whole time, this doll just sat there and offered herself to be used. I pray each day that I make myself available for God to use... even when it hurts sometimes. Michael and I have talked in depth about me staying at home next year, but I am not at next year yet.

Be anxious for nothing...

I have no idea what today is going to bring when it finally come to an end. Honestly, we never have an idea what today is going to bring, but sometimes, we like to think we do. I will go to work do this and that, and when I get home I will cook dinner or go here or there. It is a conversation that I have with myself many times during a day. There is always a long to-do list of things that need to be done, but today... God is revealing to me once again that HE is the ultimate control freak, and I just have to sit back and trust Him. This should be the easiest thing in the world... He has always proven faithful. He made me pregnant, and now He takes care of my child. He brought me a husband, and time and time again "extra" money appears because He put it there. He brought my husband a job, and He continues to provide one for me. However, when the world begins to spin out around me... I go back to old fears. I like to tell God that He is not faithful. It is like the pottery looking up to the potter and saying..."Hey, ummm... I know that you have made me perfect thus far, but I don't trust you to finish this job, so I am gonna take over. K... Thanks."

That is absurd! Today, when my husband gets off work, he is headed to the bank to discuss manners on a certain piece of land that some fine people at our church are selling. There are two things about this land that make me frustrated and about a million things that I love about it! The land has a remodled trailer on it, and it will require a few years commitment. I told my husband that I would follow him into a tent before I followed him into a trailer, and though, if need be I would pack my things and go... the idea of it does bring me to tears. I promise I am not stuck up, and I have my reasons. Also, a huge part of me is so afraid to committ to something that huge! We will want to build, and we will get started right away. That is going to take time and money.

Michael told me that He felt like God laid this land into our hands. We scratched out a design for a house, and we discuss the trailer manner (we are gonna rent it out and stay right where we are until the house is completed). Michael is going to go talk to the bank and because of another doctor's appointment (this is mean rolling my eyes) I cannot even go! By the end of the week, I could be an actual landowner. I could also be in few thousand dollars of debt and have a trailer for rent! It is two bedroom if anyone is interested.

The good things.... the land is more beautiful than I have seen in a long time. Michael and I would get to build the country home we dream of on top of hill! There is rolling hills and woods all around the land, and it comes ready to build (septic tank and well). It has a trailer that we could rent out, and my darling little sister-in-law loved the fact that it had a Gazebo... this was her favorite I think. It is around good neighbors, close to the city, but it is still out in the country. It was beautiful... the most beautiful land I have ever seen. Apparently, there has already been a lot of calls on the land. To own land... or at least have the bank own the land until we finally buy it out... has always been a huge dream of mine, and I married a builder! Off to work I go, and I will keep you updated, but please keep us in your prayers.

Forgot to do this Monday...oops.

#11 I am thankful that... my husband has a new job that he love.

#12 I have friends all around the United States.

#13 I married a man that loves to travel as much as I do!

#14 The smell of campfire the day after the fire is the best thing to wake up to.

#15 Special Ed kids getting A's!

# 16 My new shaving gel smells like baby powder. :)

#17 My husband turned 22 yesterday! See post below for pictures.

#18 My little red car.

#19 It is Friday (I guess this one is cheating since this was to be done Monday)

#20 A dear friend gave Michael and I a trip to Hot Springs for the weekend! A getaway weekend=answered prayer!

Nothing is Better than a Birthday

My amazing husband turned 22 today!

I took the day off of work, and Michael and I had lunch with Diana and the girls. The girls got to
give Michael the cards they made him.

There is nothing better than celebrating family and friends at birthday time.

My husband, the Star Wars nerd, got to go on a Jedi Training Mission Scavenger Hunt.

For his birthday, we spent a night at home. After going on his Jedi mission scavenger hunt, Michael got his presents, Erasing Hell and a couple of Star Wars Nerds only things. For dinner, I made Michael's favorite Hawaiin Faijitas. Yum!