She's Dead, Michael

     I finally got sick last night, but it wasn't because of the life growing inside of me.  It was because of the life of a wonderful, beautiful, and funny... oh so funny... 15-year-old that decided she had no desire to remain living on Tuesday night and took her own life.  A wonderful 15-year-old that at one point in her life sat under my leadership as a student, and then when her father became Michael's electrical teacher, I ran into her at least half a dozen other times in the last year. 
  
    I can't seem to wrap my mind around this.  I heard on Tuesday that a child (sophomore) had ended her life.  I quickly did the math in my head.  I taught 7th grade when I taught in that particular school district.  Would those children be sophomores yet... nope, they would be in the 9th grade.  I did my math wrong, though.  My kiddos were in fact entering their sophomore year, and two days after attending, they lost one of their own.  Apparently, it was a case of bullying.  A beautiful child that God created possibly hung out with the wrong people too much or wore different clothing.  Maybe she had gotten a reputation for something else, but either way this reputation spread rampant through the school and in the last two years apparently, the words had become enough! 

Enough.  By the end of last night, I cried behind the wheel of my car begging God for one more chance to talk to her, one more chance to hold her and tell her that God made her beautiful.  One more chance to put truth and life out there in front of her.  Granted, the same outcome may have occurred, but I remember so clearly being her teacher.  I was self-absorbed and convinced that God wanted me in another country like Africa. I didn't belong in America... there is no mission field in America.  The other half of dozen times I saw her, why didn't I just go talk with her.  Ask her about school, giggle about boys.  I stopped teaching in the public school because I felt that I was too limited.  I was eventually going to get in trouble for sharing my beliefs... it was just a matter of time.  However, it seems as if my fears and insecurity can limit me more than any American government or public school.  Time to face the truth.  I am not limited by any law the American government sets... I am limited by my own self-absorption. 

This has happened before.  Not too long ago, I had a friend die.  I had a moment before the death of this friend to share the good news of freedom through Christ.  I didn't do it.  I was too afraid of what this friend would think.  I never spoke to that friend again. 

In the Best Buy parking lot last night, that is the only conclusion I could come up with.  I looked my husband in the eye with the simple statement, "She is dead, Michael."  She is dead, gone, and the grief her parents are going to hold will be the most difficult thing they have ever faced.  The grief and guilt that enters her school is going to be extreme.  What if, she had just one adult... just one that she felt that she could call that night.  Just one teacher who may have decided to break the rules and give her their phone number or one used to be teacher that had a half dozen of chances to speak truth into her life.  What if there was one adult willing to say, "Okay, I am here to be the light, and it is okay for you to intrude into my life a little." 

I think about the young people of the world.  I wish, I could take every single one of them that was hurting and welcome them into our home and life, but the reality is... I can't.  God told us to take care of the poor, widows, orphans, and to raise the children to be men and women who love Him. 

We all have those stories right?  I knew the Holy Spirit was opening a door for ministry, but I was too (insert word here) to help.  I walked by knowingly missing the chance. 

I firmly believe that God is love, and I don't think the church should tolerate sin, but I am so angry that we treat sinners as outcasts.  I don't think the church should tolerate sin because sin is a bondage maker.  It traps people into living lives and believing lies that lead to death.  We are called to love, and we cannot quietly stand and let generations fall to the slavery of sin.  That is not love, but we can't teach our children to outcast them... talk poorly about them.  What if their skirt is too short or different from you... why does it matter?!?!  Why do we allow that to be an issue?  Maybe they do not attend church regularly.  Maybe they have the worst reputation in the world.  Why do we hide from them?  I'm sorry, you screwed your life up really early, so I don't want to be around you anymore.  I don't care if you are only 12, you are a bad influence. 

Then there is the other extreme right?  We don't care what your problem is, come to church, listen to some good music, play some games and see your friends!  At the end of the night, we are going to send you home just as empty and dead as you were when you got here, but you will have some fun for those two hours.  Don't worry about your sin.  We are going to accept you no matter what you are currently doing, and I promise, we will not pick out your sin because we are a no judging church.  We promise to never teach you truth or get too involved with your life. 

I miss this little girl, and I honestly barely knew her.  She was a good student, and from the outside looking in, she appeared to be fine. 

1 John 4:12
No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

Cause the Salsa Needs Canning

    I have had the title of this post in my mind for a long time.  I have been very lazy with writing lately, and there is no excuse for my laziness.  Writing is a very powerful tool in my life, and to deny the Holy Spirit's gift because of laziness is a shame.  As many of you know, at least those of you in blog world that take your sweet time to read my updates (which by the way, thank you so much for taking time out of your busy day to read the words God has given me), my husband and I have began a journey into a world of ministry.  We are very dedicated to proclaiming freedom around the world starting in our own community.  These past few years have brought many life changing events ending with me on a plane to San Fransisco to become trained in investigation and reporting for cases of slavery in my own community.  I was trained, and after being home for only a few days, I was asked to be involved with a Human Trafficking Awareness Summit held at the state capital. 

   Amazed by the new updates in the law, I was excited to be asked to be involved with such a wonderful adventure, so I embarked on what I now kindly refer to as "little black dress" ministry.  This type of ministry includes putting on your best clothes and playing "important" with big name law officials.  Sorta like when we were children and played house.  You knew inside that you did not belong in this type of world (at least not yet), but you welcomed the chance to play. 

   It didn't take long for me to realize, though, that I did not belong in this world (at least not yet).  I left at the morning break because I had a house to clean, people to visit, and salsa to can. 

    Time is precious.  It is the most precious gift you can give someone, and it is a fleeting part of our lives.  Our time is different than a store bought gift because once you have given your time, it can never be returned.  I must never be selfish with my time, or deny time to a person that God has told me to give because it doesn't fit into my schedule.  Sometimes the people that God tells us to spend time with isn't logical.  My home and family must be a major part of my time (the most important), but home and family can also consume every second of my time becoming more of a distraction.  My time is too precious to be spent on chasing ideas and dreams that I cannot see God's hand holding together, and like I trust my money, love, and life to God, my time also, must be daily given to Him.  Time spent must be intentional, for spending time can quickly become meaningless or wasted.  Sadly, there are occasions where time spent doing "ministry" is just wasted time.  Time could be spent better elsewhere such as canning salsa.     

I have learned these lessons the hard way.  Naturally, I am a shy person when I am in a crowd that I am not known.  It takes me quite awhile to warm up to people, and even then it is easy for me to move on from relationships.  It is a piece of my personality that makes me incredibly sad.  I like to fill my days with checklists and management, but this doesn't allow the Holy Spirit to move.  We must be intentional with our time because reality is, there are many things to get done in a day.  Every house wife knows that from the moment she wakes up to the moment she lies down, she is in movement.

    So I left the meeting because that season of my life hasn't came as of yet, and honestly, I have done very little with the training I came home with from San Fransisco.  I hope to change this, but it is all about waiting on the Holy Spirit to move.  I will squeeze in here though, it is about movement as well.  More on that later.  It takes waking up every morning and asking God, "Okay, what do I do today?"  It takes obeying His leading when He tells you to go or to stay.  What season of life are we in as of now?  Well, I am building a photography business, and it is going very well (thanks be to God and the creative insights the Holy Spirit has given me).  I am trying to find a place at the kickboxing gym that I am now attending (since I am officially past all hurts and aches), and I am attempting to get healthy enough to carry a baby to term.  I am seeing a natural herbalist doctor guy that has suggested some medicine that will raise my body temp high enough to keep a baby (since my normal body temp is below 96 degrees), and I am starting to feed my body organic food.  My prayer is that by the end of the year, we will be pregnant again, and the baby will be carried to term.  I am also in a season of leaving full time work and going to part time work and trusting God with money.  Finally, I am in a season of building a ministry.  God just hasn't given me or my husband the picture of what that is going to look like yet. 

So what season of life do you find yourself in at the moment, and are you spending your time intentionally in that season?

The High Demand for Slavery Starts with Us

Why Human Trafficking and Modern Day Slavery is a World Wide Problem and a World Wide Concern

This is my thank you to all who helped raise money and who gave money for me to go to the Not for Sale Academy June of 2012. I pray that during my time there I brought honor and glory to God above and brought honor to the friends and family that sent me. I pray that my time there was not wasted, and I have information that all may benefit from my attending. Thank you again.

“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, for the Lord God has anointed me to bring the good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the broken hearted, proclaim FREEDOM for the captives, and the opening of the prison doors to those who are bound. To proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God. To comfort all who mourn.” Isaiah 62:1-2

Information:
         Walk into your closet, pantry, or living room for that matter and take a good look around. Stop thinking about how messy your living room may be, how you have too many clothes, or even that you need to go grocery shopping and think for a moment from where these products actually came. Forget about the label or the store, I am talking about the cotton that made the t-shirt that says made in America or the minerals inside your computer or television. Go a step further and think about the chocolate chips in your cupboard. Have you ever stopped and wondered, “Where did the things that I use every day actually come from?” Here is a little dose of reality that hit me way too hard during my training at the Not for Sale Academy. The high demand for slavery does not come from some scary looking mafia men; it comes from people like you and me. Isn’t that a scary idea?! There are children being kidnapped and forced to work in the jungles of Africa picking Cocoa from the trees because we like Hershey’s chocolate bars. This is not something that we can justify nor distance ourselves from any longer. There are companies all over the world trying to expose the truth that since we do not ask businesses where our items come from, they are finding the cheapest labor possible and getting away with using slavery to create things common in our society.

         We fuel this demand by wanting cheap material in high quantities. We do not want to spend a large amount of money on a toy for our child. We would rather spend a small amount of money and get a wide range of variety. Companies are not ignorant, and they track our spending habits. Hasbro, Mattel, etc. see that we do not want to spend a lot of money, so they vouch for sweat shop laborers to create things so that the company can sell the item at a cheaper rate. The reality is that though sex trafficking is a horrendous act that should be stopped immediately; they actually serve a small percentage of the 27 million enslaved. Most of the people enslaved today make the clothing you are probably wearing at this moment. That sound daunting? Good! We need this to sound daunting because the only we are going to see an end to modern day slavery is decrease the demand. Here are a few more facts for you:

o Labor Trafficking is the most prevalent source of slavery.

o There are five types of trafficking: Labor, Child, Sex, Organ, and Domestic Servitude.

 o Type of Work Traffickers Traffic Victims for: Sex, Domestic (nannies or servants), Marriage, factory work, agriculture, restaurant, manufacturing, home care, servile marriage, criminal activity (drug transporting), construction, hotel or motel work, housekeeping, daycare teachers, cleaning business, and domestic services for Embassy Employees: Diplomats.

o The victims are usually recruited in the following ways: a personal relationship, newpaper ads, internet, or the promise of work.

o Victims are not just women. Many come from rural villages, but that doesn’t mean that they are poor or uneducated. Many men and women who have graduated from college with Master’s degrees have ended up being trafficked. Traffickers are not just men either, and they are not just big crime involvement type people. They can be someone as simple as a man or wife.

o Victims have difficulty seeking help because of language barriers, restricted movement, fear of authority, fear of deportation, lack of accurate knowledge of rights and resources, shame or scorn from family, trauma, or attachment to trafficker.

  o Many of the women getting stuck in Sex Slavery are from poor villages where there is not work to sustain themselves or their family. These women take loans to come to America or other westernized countries because they believe lies that once they get into those countries they will find work. They hear these lies from other women who work to recruit women for business. These women are beaten into submission and eventually learn to be “good” at their job in hopes of returning to their land or making enough money to send home to their families. Most of the women, even after “rescue” or paying off their debts return to prostitution. It is the only thing they know how to do, and when people find out what they are doing, even if they were trapped into the industry, they are looked at as a prostitute. The Price of Sex Documentary

o Many of the girls from the small villages mentioned above know that many of the girls that leave the village end up in horrific situations, but with no view of any type of future, they continue to trusts the men and women promising futures in other countries. I thought that this was an impossible idea until I met a girl on the bus in San Francisco. She was from Ukraine and took out a huge loan from the bank in order to come to America. She was going to college and working side jobs such as cleaning houses and teaching private dance lessons to pay back the loan. The Price of Sex

o The TVPA (Trafficking Victims Protection Act) of 2000 defines trafficking the recruitment, transportation, transfer, harboring or receipt of persons, by means of the threat or use of force or other forms of coercion, of abduction, of fraud, of deception, of the abuse of power or of a position of vulnerability. Any child being used for prostitution under the age of consent is automatically trafficking. The age of consent in Arkansas is 16.

o Made in the USA is not a safe answer to this problem. Only a small percentage of the item has to be assembled in America for it to have the Made in the USA tag.

Purpose:
        I bet you are saying right now to yourselves, “Okay, great Paula. I have heard a lot of this before, and even if I hadn’t you are telling me I can’t get away from using stuff made by slaves. Thanks for the uplifting words…now what?” I will respond with please do not get discouraged. Discouragement is another tool used by the traffickers. This problem is big, but it is not too big. Nothing is too big for God right, and we are His people. The perfect question is “Now what?”

 What Not for Sale is doing: NFS has discovered that slavery is a business, and the best way to fight it is business. They are building a corporation and a force of people to fight for the justice of people. They have discovered a way of doing this that is like no other. They are also trying to get out of the category of non-profit so that they do not have to wait on government grants to continue doing work. They are focused on finding ways to be self-sustaining. They are going into areas with high probability of trafficking and building business creating jobs. The jobs are being given to not just survivors but common people of the villages. By doing this, they are creating chains of fair trade products and creating job so that people will not be tempted to go into bigger cities looking for jobs. They showed up some new things coming out on their product line, and though I cannot give you details, I can say that there are exciting things coming out of NFS. While you wait for their new products, check out their Rebbl tea. http://www.causes.com/causes/597-not-for-sale/actions/1661196 In addition to creating a system to stop trafficking before it happens, they are training a force of people (like me) to be a part of the abolitionist movement.

What will I be doing now that I am trained: I am responsible for the research of cases of trafficking that have already been exposed. I research these cases and report them to slaverymap.org. This web-site is a tool for everyday people to see where and when trafficking is taking place in their own communities and around the world. In addition to this, I am responsible for bringing awareness to the community about trafficking. I now have a wide range of knowledge too in-depth for this letter, but I would love to sit down with any of you and talk logistics. I have also been trained to recognize trafficking in my everyday life. If I am in the opinion that trafficking is happening then I am trained to approach victims of trafficking so that they may reach out for help. Michael and I will be taking the knowledge that I now have to help with organizations in Arkansas. I am also trained to investigate cases of sex slavery online. This is a skill that I am thankful to have, but I ask for prayers as my husband and I figure out the best method for me to use this skill considering the obvious issues with the material I will have to be researching.

What you can do:

• Accept the reality that slavery does exist and it affects us in every area of our life at the current moment.

• Accept the reality that you are an abolitionist and your role as a believer and consumer can either contribute or fight modern day slavery.

  • Pray for your community, for America, and for the world. Pray that the voices of those in bondage be heard. Pray that more organizations step up with a desire to love people the way Christ loves us.

• Reshape your view of people (especially immigrants and prostitutes). Contribute to the breaking down of stereotypes because stereotypes contribute to human trafficking. Most immigrants are too afraid of asking for help for fear of hatred or deportation. When we refuse to look at people with the eyes of God, we dehumanize them. It is easy for people to take advantage of people who people quit seeing as human.

• Become a smart consumer. Download the Free2work app (www.free2work.org). This app allows you to scan the barcode of a product you are about to purchase. Once the barcode is scanned, the app will tell you the rating of the company. High grades determine if the company is working towards a no tolerance mindset. A lower grade determines if the company is doing nothing to fight slavery. We may have to pay more for things that are made in no tolerant shops, but do we really want to get gratification from someone’s deprivation? Remember that we the consumer run the show! If begin to speak out against companies that use slave labor in their production then we speak volumes about where we want to put our money. The reality is, as well, that a lot of clothing is not made in “no tolerant factories”. As we pray for transformation, think of some ways to purchase clothing at a no profit to the company (such as buying from second hand stores).

• Open your eyes to the world around you. You go to a Chinese restaurant to eat after church on Sunday. Your waitress seems happy enough, but she doesn’t really talk to you and she looks sad or nervous. All of a sudden you realize that you live in a community where there is slim to no Chinese population. You may ask where she came from, what she is doing in town, or if she likes her job. These are basic questions that can lead you to some pretty important information. If you have a concern that human trafficking is occurring call the Polaris Project hotline number 1-800-373-7888. Memorize this number. It would be easy to write this name on a napkin. If you have any more questions about what to do in these situations, feel free to contact me.

  • Be a realist but an optimistic realist. Faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains. Welcome to the mountain. Sometimes, I feel like we got in statistics like 27 million people entrapped in slavery today. However, those are humans we are talking about. Each human desperate for freedom. Each human being beaten, abused, exploited, raped, etc. Each human that has an individual story. We have to feel like these people will be freed. We have to pray with faith that God will move mountains in this area.

• Let us, the church, end the issue with sex. We need to have freedom to discuss sex in the church so that people who are struggling with addictions to pornography or people who have reached the point they are buying sex can reach out for help knowing that they will not be shunned. God offered sex as a gift, and he meant it for good. It is the world that turned it into something perverted, and then the church decided that sex was bad. I read a portion of a book while I was in San Francisco that stated sex is a big deal. God intended it for married couples as a gift and a way to reproduce. However, sex is not as big as a deal as we think. The idea that sex sells needs to be destroyed and we need to start opening our hearts to the idea that struggling with some sort of sexual issue is fairly normal. We also need to speak out against pornography and teaching our sons and daughters about purity. This is so important because in my work, I have to research cases of sex slavery online. There are so many men that treat buying sex like they were going to see a new movie.

  • Get involved with your community. I would love if you joined a group such as P.A.T.H or Not for Sale, but that isn’t what I am talking about. I am talking about your neighbors, the people in the grocery store, the people at the park, etc. This goes back to opening our eyes. We, as the church, need to be opening our arms, hearts, and eyes. Thank you.

I could have been her...

Yesterday, in the middle of Best Buy, I was talking to a dear friend on my husband's phone because no one but God Himself knew where my phone was.... anyhow different story for a different time. We were discussing some children that we used to minister/mentor. These children did not grow up like I did. There were not rules or standards for these children, and most of them didn't know who their real mom or real dad or real anything was. It was almost as if they grew up living in a story that was not actually their own story. Anyway, God has brought me face forward with many of these girls this past weekend. Some of the girls went ahead and found a way to make a life for themselves. Some of the girls drifted farther back into their fairy tale world and now have decided to set up camp and live there. It is heartbreaking.

Life is funny, but God is never surprised. My husband and I are taking a mission oriented class at church for the next 15 weeks. The class is on Sundays, and it comes with homework and required reading. I have mixed feelings about the class. I am excited to be learning and finishing something I began last year, but the thought of going ahead and giving away 3 hours of my Sunday for the next 15 weeks doesn't excite me when so much of my time is already taken. I have a serious freedom issue that I need to get over. However, the class is a good reminder that we are not alone in the world. The class is also a great reminder that we have a responsibility to God and His people to bloom and spread His love where we are planted first and to the ends of the Earth second.

My run-ins with the girls and the class all came tumbling down on my last night when I was cleaning and redecorating my house. I AM BLESSED BEYOND BELIEF. I have a beautiful house that is clean, decorated, and organized. I mean I have a Better Homes and Garden magazine on my coffee table. I have a husband who not only loves and cherishes me, but he loves and cherishes God. I have never seen a man more anxious to wake up in the morning so that he can read his Bible. My husband is also a dedicated worker and is okay about living without the finer things in life so that I can be a stay-at-home(ish) wife next year. I mean the man ate beans and rice for like three days last week. I am thankful for a job that has taught me much about kids and life. I am thankful that the word of God is free here and that our government does not have control over the church. I could go on and on about what I am thankful for because I am in freedom.

However, I could have been her. I could have been the one to fall into slavery at a young age. See, my parents both had to work, and I was in charge of letting myself into the house everyday after school. I walked home the same way at the same time for many months. All it would have taken is someone to watch me for a couple of days to figure out how to get a hold of me. Also, when I was in college I did some horribly stupid (I mean STUPID) stuff that ended me up in bad situations with men I didn't know. Before college even started, I made a game of how many times I could sneak out of the house. I wasn't even going anywhere good, I was just going to see if I could get away with leaving. One situation stuck out in particular.

I was maybe 9 or 10 years old, and I had a friend named Autumn. Autumn had a mom that would let her do almost anything she wanted, so one NIGHT Autumn came to my house asking if I wanted to go hang out with her. My dad wasn't home, so I knew that it wouldn't be a problem. (I love my mom and dad with all my heart, but mom was just easier to say yes than dad was.) While I was running out the door I vaguely remember my mom telling me to call her when we got back to Autumn's apartment. (Oh the days before five year olds had cell phones. I had a walkie talkie I was required to carry around our apartment complex). However, I never called my mom. As soon as we got to Autumn's house, there was a knock at the door and some girls were asking us to come outside to this gazebo thing in the middle of the apartment complex. One of the girls was my babysitter, so I felt safe enough going with her. I forgot to call my mom, and Autumn's mom didn't care if we went. When we got to what I assume now was a party for pot smokers (I didn't know what pot was at 10-years-old). There were people much older than I present. Most of them were men. It was dark... too dark to see much, and there I was, tiny me with my pound puppy bicycle.

Can I be real with you? At that time, children were being taken all the time, but the idea of slavery was incomprehensible. Nobody really knew that people would have taken a 9 or 10-year-old girl off of her pound puppy bike and put her to "work". I could have been her, the girl with the testimony "I was in the back of a building being raped repeatdly when they finally raided the place and set me free." Or I could have never been given the chance to speak at all. See, I am not afraid. God protected me then, how much more now am I protected with God and all of His angels fighting for what is right and just.

My dad was the one that found me, and I had never and honestly have never seen him as angry as he was that night. He busted that party and yelled at everyone to go home. He grabbed me and told me to get home before he did. I drove that pound puppy bike so fast, and I didn't even lock it up. I ran straight to our apartment and dove behind my mother's chair. My father came in with a belt and emotion. I realize now that more than anger, he was probably just afraid. He had every right to be afraid.


"According to the FBI, more than 300,000 children have been sold by sex traffickers in the United States. In the global trade, one in four sex slaves are Americans who simply vanished. And each year 13,000 new victims are snatched up and sold for sex."