My husband and I collapsed on the bed the other night in complete exhaustion. I would have cried, but I was too tired. My husband threw his arms around me and started apologizing for how busy we have been lately, and I wanted to complain (isn't that what wives are good at anyways). However, it wasn't my husband's fault that we were so busy any more than it was mine. My husband and I have found ourselves in a serious transition point. Like when winter turns to spring, transition takes time and is difficult.
I love hearing the birds again, and seeing the flowers spring up in random places. The drive to school and home from school are definitely getting better, and the official testing season has arrived. School gets interesting from here on out. Spring is coming, and I for one am so excited that I can barely stand the wait for long lazy days and the hot sun! I can't wait to be tan again.
My husband and I are going through a period of transition. The other day, I found out about somebody spreading a vicious rumour about me making up our miscarriage. They were telling people that we were never pregnant. When I first heard about this, I laughed. Honestly, this is very high school, and I haven't ran into any of these problems in awhile. However, eventually I did tear up a little. Words do have the ability to hurt us. I cried because nobody but me has to look in my husband's eyes when he begins to tear up after remembering that he too lost a child. I cried because there are still times when I am in the bathroom that I pooch my tummy out to see how big it would be now. However, our miscarriage was a transition period, and every transition period hurts. I say this very cautiously, there is blessing in the transition periods. Yes, as badly as our miscarriage hurt and still hurts, the whole thing was a blessing.
My husband and I have learned so many things since this time, and we have already been able to help others. We have prayed for people and loved on people that God brought into our life through our miscarriage. The miscarriage has become a blessing, and each day as we grow, new transitions, new pain, bring on a new delight and a new flower... I guess.
The storm is passing, and the Bean household is seeing many good things. Of course this time of transition is hard like any other. This time of transition is waking me up earlier in the morning and keeping me in the kitchen so that I can prepare healthy organic meals for my family. This time of transition is wiping the dust off of my sneakers and pounding into the track. This time of transition is stretching my ability to think and create, and it is keeping me glued to YouTube to learn how to take better pictures. This time of transition is keeping me on my toes ready for any phone call that can change the path of our life. New job opportunities, new plans, and new talents have all landed us in our bed exhausted, but I can't get over everything that God is doing, and I stand amazed... literally. To see more, click on the different tabs. I have posted new pictures, have a new recipe under PCOS, and I have some AMAZING news under Wilderness Way ministry.
As the days wind down, I begin to realize how much I really am going to miss my students. Each one of them are so special (even those that get on my last nerve). I have watched them grown, and they bring smiles to my face. I love how much they soak in what I have to say. I leave with this, I read in Oswald Chambers once that we prepare for the battles during the down times. I remember being in the emergency room the night we lost our baby holding my husband as we reminded each other that the Lord is good all the time. If we hadn't prepared our hearts to believe this truth before the miscarriage, I don't know if we would have had the same attitude in the ER.
My Baby was real... Just as every baby that is aborted or lost is also real. I reach out a hand of sympathy to all women who have had early miscarriages...you too are able to grieve the lost of your child. However, remember that God is good all the time, and we must choose to see the blessings during the times of transitions.
Enjoy the first parts of spring... go play!
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