Because Roses have Thorns

Have you ever found it interesting that roses are the symbol for true romance?  As cliche as they may be, I don't believe there are many women out there that would get upset if they came home and their husband had a bouquet of roses waiting for them.  I love flowers.  I am one of those odd girls that buy themselves flowers just so I can have fresh flowers on my table.  I value the times that Michael will pick me a rose or a flower from a garden or from a path we are currently hiking.  It makes me feel especially valued and loved.  That seems so silly in writing, but I don't think I am alone.  There is something about getting flowers, and there is really something about getting roses. 

However, yesterday as I lay on my bed picking at the roses that lay on my pillow, my dear sweet husband tells me, "Be careful, they have thorns."  That seemed such a perfect comment for the day we were having.  Yesterday, my husband and I celebrated our first year of marriage.  People say that the first year is the hardest, but I can honestly say that marriage has been more natural than I believed it would be, and we have had a smooth year filled with wonderful memories.  I can honestly say that in addition to a smooth year, Michael and I made it through a year without any fights.  We had disagreements and frustrations, but when I think about fights I remember yelling and slamming doors.  We lasted an entire year without a single fight... well almost.

Michael and I woke up Monday morning ready to be angry at each other.  We laughed later that we should have both just went back to sleep and started the day over.  I decided that instead of being submissive, I would be rebellious, and Michael decided instead of being patient, he would allow frustration to creep into his head.  We were on our way to float the Buffalo, but we made it to Starbucks before Michael said that we couldn't do this today.  It just didn't feel right.  I made so many mistakes in the next few hours, and he did as well.  I ended up driving to my sister-in-laws house because I honestly felt like it was the most reverent thing I could do at the time.  I needed to back away from the situation.  When I returned home there were two letters and roses on my pillow.  We apologized to each other and came up with a plan to rescue the day.

Looking back on what happened, I almost laugh about how silly we were being.  The emotions and the hurt was real, but the expression of that emotion and hurt was childish.  One of the things my students never could understand was that for Michael and I, divorce is not an option.  We made a covenant on our wedding day not a contract.  That means that no matter how Michael disappoints me or how I disappoint Michael, we are together forever for better or worse.  Our pastor made this very clear during premarital counseling and the wedding itself, but I would tell my students that no couple ever gets married hoping for a divorce.  People marry hoping for a lifetime of happiness and love.  However, after just a short time in marriage, reality sets in for a rude awakening.  Men and women are so different.  Michael and I accidentally hurt each other all the time without knowing why our actions hurt the other.  Something I will say will just kill him and something he will do or most likely something he will forget to do will send me on a crazy train of fear and emotion. 

 Our Father in Heaven values the covenant of marriage as a symbol of His covenant with His people.  He promises to love no matter what happens, and we to have to promise to love no matter what happens.  My students would ask me questions like, "If Michael cheats on you, would you leave him then?"  I would respond with I hope that I am mature enough that in that moment I would forgive.  I would be hurt, and it would take awile to build trust, but I would forgive.  Why?  I cheat on God all the time by making other things my idols instead of worshipping Him.  He forgives and loves despite my actions.  Who am I to deny my husband the same forgiveness that God freely gives to me?

Roses have thorns, but we desire and cherish them anways.  Marriage also has thorns.  We haven't been married long.  We still have that newlywed feel about us, but we are learning.  Marriage takes a lot prayer, forgiveness, "I'm sorry," and obedience to the Word.  It takes sacrafice of things you thought were very important, and it takes a kind word.  It takes knowing that the enemy is against marriage and is trying to find ways to destroy your relationship.  Many times my husband will remind me, "this is an attack from the enemy."  Love is a choice.  I get to decided if I am going to love Michael today.  Love is not some crazy emotion that I have no control over.

I am thankful for my dear sweet husband who loves me much more than I could ever imagine!  I cannot believe that I am so blessed to be married to such an amazing man.  He is more forgiving and kind than I could ever hope to be.

We ended up hiking at Burns Park yesterday, and we had an amazing time!  I bought my first pair of Chacos with my husband's hard earned money, and we had to get a little dirt on them.  We cooked out with my sister-in-law and her family and finally ate a piece of our wedding cake. :)  Last night as we held each other, we thanked each other for a beautiful day.  A day that wouldn't have came if we were not willing to forgive and move on with our life and marriage. 

30 Before 30

     What is it about starting a new adventure in life that makes us want to review our life?  I guess that is a sill question, but I do feel as if life goes so quickly I have to take time to review what I have actually done.  What started as an assignment for my students (the last assignment I ever gave them) has now became a great adventure in the Bean household.  So here it is...my 30 Before 30 (30 things I would like to do before I turned 30 years old).

1. Have children
2. Go to another country
3. Be published
4. Run the mud-run
5. Run a half-marathon
6. Be involved with a ministry
7. Go on a spontaneous trip
8. Get a tattoo
9. Have a photography business
10. Go white water rafting.
11. Buy a pair of Chacos
12. Play the guitar on stage.
13. Work at a coffee shop
14. Drink wine at a vineyard.
15. Go sking with Michael
16. Become a free and happy housewife
17. Go to D.C. in the winter
18. Kayak More
19. Dance barefoot, on the sand, in the rain
20. Take a ride on a train.
21. Hike at least 20 trails.
22. Go on one backpacking trip
23. Own a small house
24. Help a trafficked victim
25. Ride a horse in the country
26. Learn another language
27. Take a picture with a child from another country in another country
28. Donate hair to locks of love
29. Visit the Grand Canyon and the Redwoods
30. Have a home where the Spirit is free to move, where food is good and healthy, where it looks comfortable and fun, and where people can come to feel happy and safe.


                         I don't know if I will accomplish all or any of these, but it is fun to dream.  However, we have officially started saving for a trip to Europe, and we are going hiking over our anniversary weekend.  What about you?  If you had to do a 30 before 30 or a 40 before 40 list, what would be on the list?

Be Strong and Courageous

     This is the first summer in a long time that I will not be packing my bags soon to head out to camp.  Leaving for summer camp for a couple of months became a distant reality last summer when God called me home half way through my time at Skyline.  This summer I will also be working for an organization that helps children with severe disabilities.  I will be forced to be focused and the adult because to do otherwise would be extremely dangerous.  I also said goodbye to teaching last week, and I have no clue what I am going to be doing come Septemember.  In just a few weeks, I will be packing my bags and heading off to San Fransico for Investigator training, I have been spending way too much time behind the a camera or in front of a computer getting ready to begin a business that is very crowded right now, and my husband and I are quickly approaching our first year anniversary (which we are celebrating at a wonderful Bed and Breakfast).  We have moved (that makes three time in three years) and I am too sore to walk from the new Kickboxing classes that I began yesterday.  The past couple of months have brought many tears when I remember how much I have really changed.  However, there is so much peace in my house, and the past few days God has spent a lot of time lately reminding me to hold on to Him.      

I have been reading through the book of Joshua, and am amazed at what Rahab actually did.  In the first few chapters of Joshua, you have the Lord telling Joshua to be strong and corageous.  The Lord promises to give Joshua all that He gave to Moses.  A promise of care and hope.  Then you have Rahab come into the picture.  After just a few moments with the Israelite spies, she claims their God as the God of all things and asks for her and her family to be saved.  Her faith was enormous.  The spies left her saying that the only way she would be saved was if she hung a scarlett cord out of her window.  Now, I guess in my head I thought that the transaction of the spies meeting Rahab, going back to the camp and then coming back to Jericho happened within a matter of days, but reading through the text again reveals it probably took a matter of weeks.  I can barely imagine what must have been going through Rahab's heart and mind.  I wonder if she ever thought that the Israelites has abandoned her, or maybe she was more aware of the time it would take to get back to camp and come for her.  Either way, I am sure she had to be strong and corageous.   

I decided the other day not to worry about September.  Michael and I are doing what we feel God has told us to do with me quitting.  We will continue on this journey and be strong and courageous while we wait.  Thank God that the Israelites came back for Rahab.  God heard her cry and did not leave her forsaken.  God will never leave His people forsaken no matter how distant He may seem at the moment.