Coffee Shop Rambles...

"Therefore strengthen the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees,

and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame many not be dislocated,

but rather be healed. Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord; looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God;

lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble,

and by this many become defiled; like Esau, who for one morsel of food sold his birthright. For you know that afterward, when he wanted to inherit the blessing,

he was rejected, for he found no place for repentance,

though he sought it diligently with tears." Hebrews 12:12-17

I have to hurry because I am going to eventually get kicked out of this coffee shop. Spending two hours is okay as long as you buy something other than a cup of coffee, and in the world we live in today, one cup of coffee = 30 minutes.

Drink it and Get OUT!!

Of course all of this could be in my imagination. Honestly, this very kind man could probably care less if I stayed all day. He probably wonders a little about my open Bible in front of me and my one cup of coffee long ago drank, but the reality is... he probably understands people like me. People who are not in a hurry to get anywhere. At least... I hope so. Forget the hurry, I ordered another coffee... and my dad is coming to see me... so maybe I can get this desperate second coffee paid for!!! :)

I have been praying a lot about the upcoming school year. Last year, school consumed every part of my life. I lost passion for everything, running, playing the guitar, drawing, and especially writing. By the end of the year last year, I didn't even know who I was or what I was doing, and my friends, family, and students began to feel the consequences of my lack of self awareness. I have used this summer to recall that information to find simply that I have changed a lot. I am not the girl that I used to be... I am coming into adulthood... and fighting like mad. Why do I fight?

Because what the world tells us adulthood looks like is a lie!!!

At least this is the conclusion that I have come to. I can not repeat another year like last year, so I have been wondering lately if teaching again is what I should do.... but to quit is to run away. Peace doesn't come from situation, it comes from inside. It comes from a daily choice to stop and recognize that there is a God who made you, and He loves you. It comes from a daily choice to stop and recognize grace for failure. The tv version of adulthood where you are constantly running from place to place making a better you is no cure for the wants and desires for humankind. It only ends up in a stressful life with constantly searching for another cure.

I was in a finacial fitness meeting for teachers the other day, and I left sick to my stomach to hear the teachers speak to me about their finances. Teachers who were making three times as much as me were complaining about not having enough money for anything including putting money into savings. My husband and I have been blessed a lot by the amount of money we having coming in, but honestly... we live with a daily choice to pursue peace in Christ or to pursue lives emptiness.

I am going back to teaching with the last bit of courage I could muster, and I am returning with the idea of pursuing peace... like what Hebrews teaches us.