Goals versus Purpose versus Desires versus....What??

One Fourth of July, I was sitting with a trusted person, who shall remain nameless, waiting for fireworks to begin. The Fourth of July has always been my most favorite holiday because it is the summers in my life that give me much rest. I would say that Fourth of July is probably my most favorite holiday... better than Christmas. Back to my story though. That paticular Fourth of July, the summer had not been very good, as a matter of fact, the whole year was probably the most difficult year I have ever spent on this earth, and in that moment, all I wanted was someone to tell me that they loved me just the way I was and that they were proud of me. I was headed to college at the University of Fayetteville on a full ride scholarship to be a journalist.


I cannot remember a time in my entire life (ENTIRE LIFE) where I thought that I was pretty enough consistently. Most of the time, I find something good about myself (small) and go with that. For example, I really like my feet. That Fourth of July, I watched as a whole bunch of teenage girls ran around in tank tops and short skirts. They flirted with boys, and laughed with their friends. There is nothing I wanted more in the entire world than to be them in that moment. Sadly, I remember even watching the way they stood and wondering how to master that stance. I was at a very low point in my life. This person, who was watching these girls as well, asked me if noticed what those girls were wearing. Embarrassed, I said no. This person then went on to tell me how cute these girls were and how I should dress more like that so I could be pretty too. Weakly, I admitted I wanted to look into getting a new wardrobe before I left for college. Then this person looked at me and said to forget it because I would have to lose a ton of weight before I could wear anything cute like that. Before I even could begin my grown-up life before me, I had become very aware of what my goals in life should be... be skinny, be cute, be successful, and never EVER be humbled! My former last name came with a lot of pride attached to it, and I was to never bring shame to that pride.

A lot of lies were pushed into my head at a very young age. Random people, society, and television were just the transports of those lies, but the lies came from Satan. I forget that sometimes when I want to go and start blaming people. The hardest lie to finally rid myself of though was the confusion of goals, desires, and purposes. For so long, I was told that our goals are physical visuals we place in front of us in order to accomplish and feel fulfilled. For example, a common goal is to graduate college. Another goal is to get a good job, and some people may even have the goal of getting married. We even teach our students about short term and long term goals::: STOP::: What if we missed the point?


What happens once you have accomplished a goal? Do you just make a new goal? And what happens after you accomplish that goal? Is life just one constant goal after another? And then comes the most difficult question, the question that puts me into sleepless nights and feelings of depth I could never explain with words. What happens when we do not accomplish our goals? What if we fail? What happens if I never get married, have children, or lose that twenty pounds so I can finally wear a tank top with cute shorts? In the last year, I have learned that setting physical goals is a very empty experience. Once you have accomplished that goal, you have to set a new one and try to accomplish that goal, and then it becomes like a drug..... You gotta have your fix!!! I accindently created a non-physical goal about six years ago, and today it is still my goal, but when I reach it, I know there will be no emptiness.

When I go before my Father in Heaven, all I want is Him to say... "Good Job my faithful servant."

This doesn't mean that I do not have desires, but the way I see it, desires are more short term, they can change, and when a desire doesn't come true, you don't seem like some sort of failure. You just find a new desire. Example, I desired to get married, and I desire to be a great mom, awesome writer, and go on crazy mission trips where I get to teach, serve, and help millions of people. For a long time, those desires have stayed the same, but honestly I have questioned a lot of those on many occassions.

So... I guess the last thing to be addressed is purpose. I haven't quite got this one figured out. I know that God calls us to Himself, not a paticular area of life, therefore my purpose is to bring glory to Him in every little thing I do, but I don't know... still trying to get it all straight.