A Hard Lesson in Fear

I love being a house wife!!! I know that my time as a house wife is very short lived, but I adore it nonetheless. I have no idea what women are complaining about when they have to become housewives. I got up this morning and dropped my husband off where he rides the van to work. I then came to my most favorite coffee shop EVER for a bite to eat and some serious internet time. As for the rest of the day, I am going to go grocery shopping, workout, maybe visit some friends, and take care of some business with rent, insurance, etc. We are also getting a new bed in our house for guests, so I am taking a Target gift card we got and am going to buy some bedding for the new bed, and I am highly considering buying some fabric to make napkins for our kitchen table. I need to clean house and do some laundry, and I am getting some great time to update my blog. I will go pick my husband up at 5:20, and the two of us will go home together, cook dinner together, and we both decided to call it an early night, so after dinner, a walk, and maybe a game of Scrabble, the two of us will tuck ourselves into bed... maybe. That is how I see the day going, but, of course, God's plans do not always end up like our plans.

Maybe that is another reason why I find my life as a housewife so appealing. Though I may decide on things I would or would not like to do for the day, there is no telling what God will actually accomplish as long as I leave myself open. My days are not planned out hour by hour. I think that is why teaching gets to me on occassion... EVERYTHING is always so planned out, but that isn't reality, and that definitely does not allow God to move. I wonder with amazement what my children are going to be like.

Okay, enough ADD. What I really wanted to write about today is fear. Each summer I go to a camp in Alabam called Skyline, and though I know Michael and I recently got married, we both decided that I needed to go back this summer. So, after being married only three short weeks, I packed my bags and went to camp for a month... or so I thought. The daytime director at camp put me in a mountain biking class, which I love, but this time I wasn't teaching the class, like I have done in the past, I was assisting. The assistant always rides in the back, and through my experience I learned a little something about the fear in my own life.

Mountain biking, in the back of the line, at Skyline is quite the experience. See, kids work so hard to peddle up a mountain, but when it comes to riding down the mountain and enjoying the freedom of their reward... the girls hit their breaks and just scoot down the hills at turtle speed. Once they were at the bottom of the hill, they peddled like crazy to get up the next hill. I explained to them countless times how it would benefit them just to ride down the hill without hitting their breaks, but their fear would get the best of them... needless to say, it was exhausting. Of course, God used this experience...

How often does fear in my own life show the same results of the mountain biker? Romans 8:15 calls fear BONDAGE! What a horrible vision... actually, from my own life, I cannot think of one time that fear of anything except for God produced anything good in my life. Please do not confuse fear with wisdom. It is not wise for a young girl to go running in the middle of the night, learned that lesson, but fear is something else entirely.

However, fear is natural. I had a young child in horseback riding that was on a horse who got spooked. The horse jumped and startled the child, of course. The next day, the child was on a new horse. She was in tears before the end of class because she was so afraid. My advice to her, I understand that you are afraid, but you do not have time to fear because right now you have to focus and fear takes your mind off of focusing. Again, an awesome lesson from God. Fear is natural, but when we let that fear control our thoughts and actions, we take our eyes away from God.

So, I was only at camp three days when God told me to go back home... I have no idea as to why, but I obeyed because doing anything else then obeying would be dumb! I told my camp director, who was very understanding, and I told my husband who wanted to make sure he wasn't the reason, and he wasn't. The cool thing about all of this is though, I got to live two weeks without fear and without holding anything back. I talked to children about Christ, I talked to counselors that intimidated me, I did the best I could do in everything because I knew I was coming home. I learned what could be accomplished without fear, and I amazed by that. Now, I am home, and my husband and I are trying to live without fear. My husband is officially taking some amazing steps in courage, and I couldn't be happier. And as for me... I am just trying to stay open on why God has me home so early. I have four weeks of nothingness until I have to report back to the real world of careers.

I pray for all my friends who decide to take steps in courage... whether that means going forward or going backwards!