American Honey

I am sure that my beloved Varians are very tired of hearing this Lady Antebellum song being strummed out on the guitar, but the ability I have to created something similar to a real song from simply placing fingers here or there on an instrument has me memorized. I put off learning the guitar for so long, and now, the guitar is quickly becoming an important part of my life! My cheap six string is the best company I have on a lonely night, and it the best ego boost when everything around me seems to be crashing down. Many days after my internship I found myself picking at my guitar thinking, "well at least, for today, I can accomplish this..." Now, with the summer sun beating down on me, there is nothing better than sitting on the front porch of the Varian household plucking a new song out on the guitar. Actually, the guitar has claimed most of my attention during my stay here. Earlier today, I was talking on the phone while picking on the guitar. Mr. V came in at the right moment to snicker at my ability to do hundreds of different things at one time.

The Varian household has proven to be a God-given place of rest, restoration, growth, and fun for me. The first thing Ms. Mary notices about me when I first get here is that I look tired, and when you consider how I live my day to day life...I am tired. I am thankful for a period of rest. Yesterday, I swung on a tree swing, jumped on a trampoline, chased fireflies, talked to friends that I haven't gotten a chance to sit down and talk to in a long time, read, and learned two new songs on my guitar. I also took a nap! A real nap! A nap uninturrupted by a four-year old or phone ringing, or to-do list. Honestly, the only reason I have completly disposed of my phone now is that I would like to know the moment that Tracy goes into labor, and there are several friends that I do not want to lose touch with.

Thankful. I am thankful! In Paul's letters, we are called to be thankful.

"Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful." Colossians 3:15

"Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.' Colossians 4:2

"Therefore since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe." Hebrews 12:28

I like to think that I am thankful person. When I look at my life, I am awed by how much I have been given. I sit tonight in a kitchen in Alabama with a family that took me in as one of their own without ever asking what my life story was. I get to travel and do what I please, and I always have a home to come back to where people who love me wait and pray for me. I am blessed by a God who has given in abundance. Honestly, if the only thing our God ever gave us was the chance for a new life, wouldn't that be enough. How many times though do we believe the lies that we need or deserve more. I am reading this book call, Taking Thoughts Captive, and it was revealed to me in a painful way that much of my life is ran by thinking, "I need one more thing to be happy." However, searching for "One more thing" never brings happiness. I am called to be thankful...I am receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken. I think I almost passed out the first time a girl looked at me and complained about being too skinny, and I despise every married woman on the face of the planet that wished they were single like me. If I hear ONE MORE TIME that singleness is a gift, I am going to throw up. My singleness might be a gift but no more of a gift than your marriage.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I am tired of looking for one more thing. I am tired of thinking I am doing something wrong and am not getting that one more thing because of the thing that I am presumably doing wrong. Many times, I find my one more thing is my singleness. My desire to be in a crazy romance ending in a marriage filled with ups and downs has not been given to me, and for so long I thought it was something I was doing that God was not giving in to my request. Many days and nights I have worked for my one more thing instead of letting God just do His thing giving me the benefits of it all. It is a daily choice to be thankful for what we are given, but what a major change in our lives if we started out every morning with a gratitude list.

Today, I will make the choice to be thankful.

I am thankful that...

I know where Ms. Mary keeps the "good food."

E-beth and I do not have to spend every moment together when I visit.

My new house has a tire swing where Embery can play.

There is such a thing as Christian Rock, and I get to share in this joy with my dear friend Kat.

I have to start writing down all the songs I know how to play on the guitar.

I have the ability to run.

I own a pink i-pod.

My best guy friends and my best girlfriends are getting married.

Arkansas is my home.

I am about to be 24 years-old.

That Mr. V lets me call him Mr. V.

That I had four servings of fruit today, and I didn't have to pay for any of it.

My bridesmaid dress fits.

I have been to 23 states.

I have guy friends that take me for drives in their trucks.

That God speaks to me.

God answers my prayers when I seek Him.

That tomorrow I get to go dancing.

Camp is starting.