Packing Boxes and Fireflies

Summer is here. For camp, we had to right a poem of sorts in which each sentence starts off, "I'm From..." When I began to write the poem of sorts down, I almost started crying about how blessed I was. Honestly, there are always things that I am going to want to be different, but God has granted me so much in my short 23 (almost 24) years of life.

"I'm from...Conway, Arkansas (home of American Idol Kris Allen)

I'm from the University of Central Arkansas, Central Baptist College, and University of Arkansas at Fayetteville (Go Hogs!)

I'm from a small classroom in Quitman, Arkansas where I teach 9th, 10th, and 10th grade Pre-Ap English and drama.

I'm from pick-up trucks, starry nights by the lake, Little Ceaser's pizza and a movie, and shaved ice on a hot day.

I'm from long hikes to the waterfall, a basketball court, and softball fields late into the night.

I'm from faded blue jeans, Teva sandals, sweatshirts and shorts, cute sundresses, New Balance tennis shoes, and a pink I-pod.

I'm from a past of heartbreak and struggles to finding Christ at a later age and passionately pursing righteousness, peace, joy, and love with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

I'm from dancing barefoot, a six-string guitar, wildflowers, four-wheelers, and a long dirt road.

I'm from Sunday morning pancakes with Miss Embery Holland, a dramatic, defiant, but lovable four-year-old.

I'm from an unnatural obsession with traveling, and I'm from a large group of friend whom i call family.

I'm from a life classified as anything but normal."

To call me BLESSED would be the ultimate understatement! I would love for the whole world to see how amazingly blessed I am and see my life as an example of the unity that Paul preaches about in his letters! If somebody needs something, it appears. If somebody is struggling and needs prayer, we are there. I have seen Satan attempt to destroy us time and time again, and though we have let him into places in our lives, the Lord of all equips us to be conqorours. An example of our bond is the fact that I had 30 people show up at my graduation, and everywhere we go, we cannot be silenced for the Spirit of the Lord dwells within us and consumes everyone that comes in contact with us. Be mindful that this is the Lord's doing, and we simply get to reap the benefits in God creating glory for Himself.

So what is the big deal? I'm moving. I got a grand oppurtunity to rent out a friend's duplex helping her out and giving me more room. Not taking the deal would be a complete ignorant idea, but I am moving from my small, one-bedroom apartment that God gave me two years ago. I remember walking late at night and trying to figure out which aparmtnet would be mine. I remember how happy I was when I figured out that Tracy and I would share a wall. I remember making my deposit, and I remember the first thing I bought for my apartment, a couch, and sleeping on it until I got a bed. I gave my apartment back to God the moment I stepped over the threshhold. God gave me this place on a platter, and I desired for every inch of the space to glow with God's love. Every moment shared in that apartment will be treasured, but as a child of God, I go when I am sent. While I was preparing for Alabama and my new teaching job, God threw me a curve. My aparment, my home, my safe zone, would no longer be mine. I was to move.

Now, I am reading this book that talks about choices and how sometimes we do not really know what the right choice is, so we make decisions and ask God to be present in each decision even if we made a bad one. However, sometimes we just know. I knew the moment I heard about the new house that I was to move, and so without even an "All's Clear" I began packing my things in boxes to ship to storage to wait until I return from Alabama. The more I pondered over next year, the more sick I got. This is the end of an era, and I am scared to death of lonliness. My "family friends" are all growing up, and we are moving. The more I thought about working 50+ hours a week and coming home to an empty house where when I knock on the wall I won't be getting Tracy but someone else and the more I thought about Jessica moving out of the state and things just changing, the more Satan started playing in my head memories of being alone. Then I was brought to the story of Jacob and God wrestling.

I am still a little shady on the details, but the whole thing sounds fantastic. Jacob wrestled God until God would bless him. Jacob showed that he was strong and determined. (Genesis 32). God blessed Jacob because Jacob had wrestled with men and God and would not give up. As I broke down in tears the other night at the softball game, I came to the conclusion that though my apartment is packed up in boxes I will not be defeated by the fear of lonliness, but instead I will take time to watch the fireflies and enjoy the beauty of life that God has blessed me with. I will not be moved.

"I will stumble, I will fall down, but I will not be moved.

I will make mistakes, I will face heartache, but I will not be moved.

On Christ the Solid Rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand.

I will not be moved."