A long time ago someone explained to me that God doesn't call us to anything except to Him. He leads our path. Sometimes, He directs that path in very different directions than what we intended. For example, a few years ago I thought I was going to become a youth pastor's wife and help teenagers. Then I watched an inspirational movie and decided that instead of being a youth pastor's wife, God wanted me to be a teacher. Now after two years of teaching, I am saying goodbye again to one life adventure and trying to raise money to fly out to California to become an key component in the fight against human trafficking. Don't even get me started on marriage because there was no way I could know that the strange boy I accidentally went on a date with three and a half years ago would now be my husband.
I am so thankful that God leads us and calls us to Himself. I feel like my trust in the Heavenly Father would be altered if I believed that He called us to different ministries, situations, or people. Each change in the plan would send me on a spiraling wave asking Him why my "calling" was changing. That is what they called in the churches I occasionally visited during my pre-believer life. I honestly do not even know how often that the word gets thrown around nowadays, but this is where my heart is.
It is always hard to be led away from something. I am not really sure if the pain ever gets easier. I think as we grow as believers, we handle the pain better, but it doesn't get easier... this I am sure. The last night I spent in my hippy apartment that was home to so many, I cried. So once again, I sit in my living room looking at our beautiful house, and I have a feeling we are being prepared to be led away again. We are now being led away from safety of two incomes and the picture perfect white picket fence lifestyle.
But the more I think about it... that kind of life seems horrible.
The unsure feels safer now because I can hope and trust in Him instead of trusting in what I can only see.
In an effort to rediscover some of my loves that I have lost over the past couple of years, I picked up my old running shoes yesterday and hit the gym. I started a new running program that honestly kicked my butt! It felt so good though to be back on the track, to be praying, to be loving and pushing. I missed those little dates with God, and I have realized the importance of those dates is immeasurable. After my run, I just thanked God that there is still hope. His timing is perfect, and He knows all things... even in brokenness.
My husband and I are experience a time of brokenness. God is giving us some hard truths about spiritual warfare and people... especially our little family. God is leading us to more wisdom, and when I got on my computer there was an ad pulled up for Bsecure Internet protection. That was definitely not something I thought I would have ever seen on our computer, but my husband is clueing into some serious spiritual things. My husband and I are also having to say goodbye to some people in our lives so that we can focus more on the people God has led us to, and each day I realize how quickly my time with my students is fading.
God is using this time of brokenness to bring my husband and I closer together and closer to Him which is so important considering the life that is coming at us. Again, I feel like the little girl in my hippy apartment saying goodbye. I want to cry, but I know that God is faithful.
So here we go!
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